Behind The Mic: Here We Go For The Last Time with Julie Cappiello

Thanksgiving break is a roughly one week period prior to finals week where students head home to enjoy some home-cooked meals and wind down before a dreadful couple of weeks of finals.

We rest, recover, and rejuvenate our bodies with food that is not sold on campus or the adjacent food places so that we can come back energized and ready to take our exams head-on.

Future KCR College Radio Hall of Famer and host of both her self-titled radio show and a satirical news web series “Here We Go Again,” Julie Cappiello started her final few weeks as an undergrad on a rough note. Monday evening on her flight back from her hometown of Lyndhurst, New Jersey trouble arose as they were rerouted to land in LAX as opposed to her initial destination of San Diego, California.

This reroute came after spending two-plus hours on the runway before takeoff, and also having to ride a shuttle from Los Angeles back down to San Diego. To top it off, Cappiello arrived back at four AM on Tuesday, just 13 hours before her final radio show and 15 hours before her final taping of “Here We Go Again.

What a way to start the beginning of the end, right? Well, luckily for Cappiello this was all a mere speed bump on the road to success. She has 4 finals standing between her and the Harry Styles Fine Line Live: One Night Only concert on December 13. Cappiello is a self-proclaimed Styles Stan and this is her graduation gift to herself. She will be finished with her school career at SDSU by the time Harry hits the stage; she too will be hitting the stage soon, walking with her fellow December graduates along with the spring graduates in May 2020. 

Wait, we are at the end of the road already? *Cue Boyz II Men* Before we look too far into the future, let’s take a look at Julie’s journey from Jersey to sunny San Diego. 

She only applied to four colleges in high school, three of them being in her home state of New Jersey and the final being the home of the Aztecs. She found SDSU because The College Board told her it was a literal perfect fit. Now she had long joked with her parents about the thought of moving to this corner of the country, yet she never knew things would work out the way they did. 

On The College Board’s website, she input her requirements and let the search run nationwide. Away from home? Check. Solid Journalism program? Check. Can I have a car? Check. Everything else? CHECK!

She told her parents that she really felt like attending SDSU and though it seemed like a distant dream, she applied anyway. Her high school guidance counselor discouraged her a bit by alerting her that State rarely accepts out of state students, which is a bogus statement, but that did not stop her. She took time out of school just to make sure her application was as respectable and illuminating as her personality.

Then, one day in mid-late December 2015, everything changed. She received the acceptance letter she had long-since hoped for and, “I remember opening it and screaming!” An acceptance letter is not the end all be all in the college world, but her intuition showed her this was not just a dream, but reality. 

“I had this gut feeling when I applied and I had this gut feeling when I got the acceptance email, I’m going there.” She walked into her parents’ room where she and her mother looked at each other in the eyes in agreement, “I’m going there.”

When it came time to visit her future university, Cappiello recalls her flight touching the ground at midnight. With her parents accompanying her, she saw her first palm tree and knew she was home.

The transition from hometown Jersey girl to living 2,760 away from home in a completely new environment did not start off on the best foot. “I felt a bit foreign,” she says as she details the hostile living situation within University Tower. On top of being immaturely bullied by her roommates, she also felt physically ill. So much that her asthma condition that she had long since gotten over, came back to the forefront of her health problems. That’s a note to all of the incoming freshmen of the future, try to live in the new dorms. 

That one year was not all bad, just mostly. She and her mom both wondered upon the start of year two at SDSU, “I don’t know how I made it through.” Her parents kindly urged her to come back home but she refused. Both because of pride and because of that same gut feeling that got her here in the first place.

So when does this dynamic person finally feel like she belongs within the confines of the university? Just like her acceptance date and the times at UT when she felt at her worst, the turning point came in the Winter.

This time it was the Winter of 2017. As a writer for The Daily Aztec, the organization came up with an opportunity to collaborate with KCR College Radio in an effort to do a joint news show. “I thought about it, and I always wanted to do radio, but at my high school we only had a newspaper.” 

She called her mother, who she lovingly speaks to various times throughout each and every day, and told her that she had another gut feeling about this opportunity. Her mom replied, “Every time I think I’m getting you back, San Diego reels you back in.” This was both a truthful and loving statement as she knows Julie knows what is best for her. 

The collaboration between the two student organizations did not fare so well, but within the experience, she befriended former KCR News Director Natalie Bucher and the two hit it off. Bucher was soon to move up the management totem pole and told Cappiello that she should apply for the position of News Director, however, there was also an editor position opening up at The Daily Aztec. She had a tough decision to make and she chose to take a shot at the position for the school paper; unfortunately, she did not receive the job. 

Everything happens for a reason though, and despite choosing to go after the other position, she was still very much interested in becoming KCR’s next News Director. This was all in the Spring of 2017 where she went through some troubled times. Her Godfather passed away on her birthday and she did not get an internship on “The Tonight Show” that she greatly desired. Within the storm of her troubles at the time, she found comfort in Bucher and other members of KCR while also earning the position of News Director.

After heading home for the summer and having an out-of-body experience where she watched herself while getting her wisdom teeth removed, Cappiello came back to Southern California and got herself two new jobs. The self-reflective newly Interdisciplinary Studies major took a look in the mirror and saw that her life is exactly where it needed to be. 

“I just felt so in my power. Nothing can stop me. I’m very content. I’m very happy with my life.” 

She reflects on her hellish first year as an Aztec saying, “Two years ago, freshman year, I never thought that I would be here.” she continues, “I didn’t think that anything like this would happen. 

Cappiello currently works in the legal world at a company she ironically cannot legally disclose. In March of this year during the interview for said position, she and the interviewer were both wearing the same pair of shoes. Not just that, they were both from New Jersey. She ran away with the interview and an hour and a half later she received an official job offer.

“There was something weird about that day. I got up, and I looked on social media and one of my favorite shows had just announced that this season would be their final season.” That show is “Supernatural” on The CW, and she loves it like I love “Entourage,” with a passion. So much that she would leave high school functions just to go home and watch. She and her friends joked during high school that in order for her to survive the halls of hell she needed this show to get her through. Naturally, it has been a staple in her life throughout her tenure here in San Diego and it can’t be made up that as she’s finishing her final days here the program is also going on its victory tour before bidding fans adieu in Spring 2020.

Her favorite show coming to an end on top of finishing her final courses as an undergrad as well as accepting a wonderful job that will lead to a solid career means she is becoming a full-fledged adult. That did not hit until December 4 when her supervisor told her, “You have to get a California’s drivers license now.” Something so simple as an ID can speak volumes about one’s life-shifting into the next gear. What hits the hardest for Cappiello is not being able to keep in touch with her dogs the way she does with her family. She often speaks to both of her sisters and, “My mom and I speak seven times a day.” However not being able to call and connect with the pups, in the same way, makes things a bit difficult at times. With that being said, Ms. Julie Cappiello is definitely on the right path to the future. 

Now, before we here at KCR say our final goodbyes to our esteemed colleague, let’s recognize a couple of her projects that have cemented her legacy within the organization.

Her newest work that she began in the Spring of this year is right here on this website, Sexcapades.

Sexcapades is a sexually open and reflective series where she discusses everything in and around sex with no shame in an effort to allow others to feel that same comfort to have much-needed discussions. I especially like her newest piece titled, “TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT / WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT.” where she advocates for open communication about sex. 

This series was created because of the lack of education provided in her high school sex education class where abstinence was the curriculum and no talk of safe sex left the mouths of her instructor. Self-taught and informed by her mother, Cappiello has had conversations with her family and aims to make Sexcapades a more inclusive and informative series where members of the LGBTQ+ community can also come for guidance and advice. She even wrote a piece on her sister Justine who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community that is a must-read

Before Sexcapades, was her “baby,” her passion project, “Here We Go Again.” The satirical news program has been running 3 seasons strong and was almost not greenlit, but the trust management had in Cappiello paid off as we can see now. Taking a concept from one of her other favorite shows, “The Daily Show,” Cappiello aimed to translate the ethos to Aztecs and college students across the nation. She has had a lot of success within those three seasons along with those growing pains.

This past season Chantel Mesta and Emilio Tina joined as writers and lifted both the show and Julie to new heights. Busy with graduation, her final classes, work, and having a social life, Cappiello pushed through and created some of her best work with one of her best teams. The final taping was bittersweet for her as things are finally coming to a close, but she has a lot to be proud of.

 “I’m leaving it in good hands. I hope that they continue it, and if not it’ll just be like my little stamp. That is Julie Cappiello, I did that.” 

Julie once thought about transferring schools, but joining KCR led her to new opportunities and a new family. She remains friends with members who have since graduated, maintaining Snapchat streaks and bi-weekly convos. Natalie Bucher even gave her the greatest gift she could ever ask for. “She said f*ck on the air and we couldn’t find the dump button.” The two had always thought the other would be the first to drop a bomb on-air, so Natalie doing so first brought an immeasurable amount of joy to Julie, tying the bow on the gift that KCR has been in her life. 

“It feels weird, now it’s becoming a little bit more real. I’m not scared.” she finishes off by saying something her chiropractor told her, “You might enjoy your professional life more than you enjoyed your student life.” If that’s the case, she has a bright path in her sight. She is not worried about controlling the future, she is taking it day by day and enjoying the journey.

This won’t be the last time we hear of Julie Cappiello, that’s for sure.

Written by: Alexis Camel
Photos by: Alexis Camel

Sexcapades: ‘Tell me what you want / what you really, really want.’

Sexcapades

Creating an environment for open communication seems like a daunting and not so simple task, but these tips can help you take the first step towards a healthy and happy relationship.

I’ve been teasing this topic for quite some time and it’s about time that we finally got down to it. 

In my research of my previous topics like anal play and foreplay I learned the common denominator is communication. How we communicate our wants, needs, expectations, desires, fantasy is key role in our relationships. Without communication none of these can be met which can lead to the downfall of a relationship because none of the partners are happy. 

It is not just in the bedroom where communication is important but it also lies within the core of a relationship. Communicating your expectations for your partner can lead to a more fulfilling relationship. Talking about your personal goals, aspirations, and how your relationship fits into them allows you and your partner to figure out how you can help one another achieve them.

Have you ever been unsure on how to confront a partner about feelings of insecurity? What about suspicion of infidelity? Or the horrifying ‘what are we talk?’ Effective and good communication skills are the core of these conversations. This generation of texting, social media, hook up culture gets all too confusing. We want a relationship but we hate labels; we want to ‘go with the flow’ but our inherent need a definitive answer gets in the way. So what are we to do? Well, why don’t we talk about it.

Over the summer I was on top of my game. I was starting a new job, going out with my friends, and having so much fun. I was radiating confidence and power and the boys that I would meet could definitely tell. There was a time in the summer where I had three dates lined up in a week and then something happened. A person who I had a crush on asked me to hang out and we ended up talking about the way we felt about each other. After that happened, I was so shook because I never was open with someone like that before. Honestly, it was quite unsettling for someone who never expresses how they feel. Between my friends and family asking what is going to happen and between my own anxiety of giving up my freedom of being single, I decided to ask this person what they wanted and where they were at. To be honest, I wish I knew then what I know now about communication. I don’t know if I would have handled it differently.

Here’s the thing, I am so glad I just came out and did it because I would have drove myself crazy wondering where they were at. Also, if it had come out they were hurt about me hooking up with other people I would have felt bad even if I didn’t know. Communication has its strengths and weaknesses but I’m not going to debate that. 

Let’s Talk About Sex

In my research of communication I learned something in the last place I thought I would (a joke) — my psychology class in Human Sexual Behavior. When talking about contraceptives my professor brought up a great way when talking about contraceptives. With his permission, I am going to use his advice to relate them to sex and communication in relationships.

Pick A Strategic Time 

After a night out of drinking is not a strategic time to bring up something about your relationship or sex. A strategic time could be a date night or over dinner when you are alone with your partner.

Talk About Your Relationship, Then Get Specific

You don’t want to spring it on your partner nor do you want to make them feel uncomfortable. So when you begin the conversation about your relationship, start with the aspects of your relationship that bring you joy, make you happy. or enhance your life in some way. Make sure the conversation is natural and allow your partner to freely express what makes them happy about your relationship. As the conversation progresses, direct it towards the more specific topic.

Don’t Apologize

You are not a bad person for wanting to improve your relationship, sex life, or whatever you want to discuss. Everyone is entitled to feel some type of way about something that is bothering them. Do not let your partner feel bad for wanting to openly communicate in your relationship. Nor you as the communicator should make your partner feel bad or make them feel like they did something wrong for not seeing the issue. It is important that you and your partner are comfortable and not on the defense.

Use Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions allow your partner to respond and express their opinions, needs, wants, and desires.

Explore Options and Don’t Make Demands

Ultimatums are not the way to go. It is not your way or no way. That is a toxic way of thinking and it creates a hostile, unhealthy relationship. Again, you and your partner want to be comfortable. If you want to spice up your sex life but one of you is hesitant. To remedy this you can slowly incorporate or build spicier acts into the bedroom. 

I didn’t want to group communication about sex in the bedroom and the defining the relationship talk in the same article. So, stay tuned for those! 

Written by Julie Cappiello 

Sexcapades: ‘Cmon baby, light my fire’

Sexcapades

Foreplay can make or break the entire sexual experience from building tension, to getting in the mood, and finally, engaging in an intimate connection in the bedroom.

If the government really can track us through search histories, texts, and instant messages, mine are definitely self-incriminating. As a writer, especially a sex blogger, I always worry about how my search histories are perceived to the FBI agent lurking behind my screen. I plead the fifth.  Most of the time it’s a cross between sex research, conspiracy theories and aliens. Sometimes they even intersect…just kidding.

Maybe. 

Anyway, let’s talk what gets us hot and heavy. 

Touch My Body 

Is it a look? Oh, you know what look I’m talking about.

Is it a touch or caress? 

A combination of the two acts? 

What the fuck is foreplay? Is it something that happens before sex? When does it start? Is it even important? 

The answer to that last question is 100 percent yes. 

What exactly is foreplay?

Where does foreplay begin and end? 

Does it include oral sex? 

Can foreplay lead to orgasms? 

According to Planned Parenthood, foreplay is a precursor to sexual intercourse and it includes kissing, touching and the sharing of sexual fantasies. In this definition, PP outlines that the purpose of foreplay is to build up sexual excitement and explicitly states that it helps women’s bodies prepare for sex.

Again, the question comes up: when does foreplay begin? 

When I am at the bars and I am flirting with a guy, if I feel the vibes and the sexual tension is strong, I know I am going to ask him to leave with me. The flirting, dancing, light kissing, and touching is the foreplay because I know when we are alone I am ready to get down.

Moushumi Ghose, a licensed therapist specializing in sex and relationship, challenges what society deems as foreplay in a Huff Post article. Honestly, her definition is not much different from the scenario that I described above. Controversially, Ghose says that kissing, oral sex, and manual stimulation should be considered under the umbrella of sex. I wouldn’t necessarily agree that a heavy makeout session on the couch would be considered sex. 

However, Ghose says foreplay is everything else that builds up to the moment of sex: all the innocently, sweet gestures to the spicy sexts. All the sexual thoughts share with your partner is foreplay. What I like that Ghose mentions is foreplay does not always have to lead to actual sex all the time, it can just buildup for days even if you and your partner engage in sex.

Ghose’s advice is that small communication and body language matters. Communication includes leaving little notes for them to find to bring a smile to their face, butterflies to their stomach and a deep burning desire to see you at home. 

FOREPLAY IS IMPORTANT 

Without foreplay sex is rushed, disoriented, anxious. No actual pleasure derived from this type of sexual interaction. The neglecting of sexual tension and foreplay can stem from the misunderstanding of how it truly affects our experience. Also, the lack of communication plays a huge factor. The fact that we are not talking about sex is terrible for everyone’s sex life. Nobody is a mind reader, how is your partner supposed to know what you want or like? We’ll get to communication in another post.

This orgasm-oriented view on sex is skewed. Why do we have to get down to business right away? There is an ancestral pattern that sex must be done in the dark in secrecy and full of guilt. This is why it is so rushed—whether its conscious or not. We are afraid of enjoying sexual touch.

According to Psychology Today, foreplay important physiologically and psychologically. First, foreplay is more important physiologically for women than it is for men. Sexual arousal for men happens way faster than it does women (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 202). Men can achieve an erection 3 to 8 seconds after stimulation begins, while vaginal lubrication (getting wet) takes 10 to 30 seconds (Rathus et. al., Human sexuality in a Changing World, p. 202).

Psychologically foreplay is stimulating for our human connections and building our intimacy with those we are engaging in it with. Touching and petting arouses feelings of safety and love and brings us closer to real human connection that we inherently crave.

Getting in the Mood 

Okay, like I mentioned communication is key and, we’ll learn more about bettering communication in the next post. There are ways you can spice up your foreplay.

Send that dirty sext to let them know you always want them. 

Take things slow when you are getting ready to have sex.

 Let the tension build while you touch and kiss each other. 

Get one of those dirty dice games.

 Spencer’s has those novelty sex toys for a reason. And that reason is so you can spice up your sex life once and never use it again. Although, you should probably spice it up all the time.

Get all oily, baby, and give your partner a massage. 

I’m sure you can probably think of ways to build your foreplay. Everyone has something they at least want to try. Honestly, foreplay makes sex more enjoyable. If it’s done right it definitely makes the orgasm much, much, much better.

Written by: Julie Cappiello

Sexcapades: Booty Werk

Sexcapades

Is it Ass eating Szn?

It’s been a while since I have written for Sexcapades, but finally I am getting back to my passion. The summer has been crazy for me between boys, moving, new jobs and beginnings I couldn’t keep up with my own adventures. I have broken many boundaries and old habits that I never thought I would do in a span of a summer. I have always struggled with admitted my feelings towards those who I like romantically but, I did it. Unlike my past self I did not take it back. Doing this lifted so much weight off of my shoulders and believe it or not allowed me to enjoy my sex life more. After I admitted my feelings I stopped caring about my dating life and being vulnerable because I learned that I was capable of having feelings. It may seem backwards but that I ‘stopped caring’ but it’s more like I learned how to actually go with the flow. At the end of the day, I am coming into my own and I genuinely enjoyed my summer with all of its highs and lows. 

Anyway, I was prompted with an interest adventure during one of my hookups. Butt stuff. Now, this isn’t the first time that I have introduced to the act. 

Flashback to August 2016

A. Finger. In. The. Butt. 

Freshman year Julie went to her first frat party. She met this guy who was a friend of someone in the frat. After a game of flip cup and feeling confident, she struck up a conversation with this handsome stranger which then escalated to dancing, then to kissing followed by touching, On the crowded dance floor, it was then that this mans put his hand down the backside of her pants.

“This is a weird way to go about things,” she thought to herself when it happened.

A. Finger. In. The. Butt. 

2016 Julie shook as can be jumped back, laughed and yelled no butt stuff! 

Though how it may seem very violating, I thought it was quite interesting because I was ready for this make out session to be taken to next level. This was not the level I was thinking, however. 

I have never lived down that story—it is too iconic

I’ve always joked about anal play and expressed possible interest in experimentation. Sex obviously feels different to all individuals and anal sex is no different. There are many ways to engage in sex too, same goes for anal sex. Some sexually active individuals may be afraid to express their desires, fantasies or they may not have the knowledge of the ways they engage in sexual acts. While there have countless references in pop culture about the very taboo act, anal play isn’t really that uncommon. I think the reason why people consider it taboo is that they don’t know how to go about it. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding anal play and they run deep in society.

There are a couple of things that need to be discussed before engaging in anal play. First, let me mention why I am referring to anal sex acts as anal play. There are a multitude of ways to engage. By using the word ‘play’ I am trying to implant the idea that this act can be enjoyable and inviting. As children we learned and expressed ourselves through playing. It was a release for us, why should that change as we grow up? The same goes for sex, we learn more about ourselves the more we engage.

A Brief History 

According to podcast Secret Pink Closet. by Golden Chidinma said anal sex was founded in ancient cultures like Greece. Here’s a fun fact: bisexuality was very prevalent in a lot of ancient cultures and in early civilizations in Greece, Rome and India Gods were depicted having sexual relations with one another and mortals. In Homer’s Iliad it implied that Achilles and his friend Patroclus were romantically involved. Yes, Achilles did have relationships with women too but the Ancient Greek men were very fluid with their sexuality. Between the third and fifth centuries, the Kama Sutra was written, a manual of Hindu sexual practices (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 13). However, with the spread Christianity throughout the world sexual practices became criminalized, tabooed and shamed. 

Types of Anal Play 

There are many ways one can incorporate anal play into the bedroom. You can use it as the full sexual act itself (anal sex), incorporate it into foreplay or you can dabble with in while you are engaging in sex. 

Anal sex is the act of the penis (or dildo) entering the anus. With proper preparation it can be very stimulating for both the giver and receiver. Again, anyone can engage in anal sex because we all have a butt. Additionally, it can be enjoyable sexually because of the highly sensitive nerve endings in the rectum (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 237). 

If anal sex is too much for you or your partner(s) it can be incorporated as a variation in foreplay. The consenting parties can engage in anilingus also known as rimming, or a rim job. Anilingus is the oral stimulation of the anus. It can be very pleasurable for the consenting parties. Again, starting off slow to help your partner relax and then you can progress once they are ready. In the next step, a finger can be added to the rectum which can heighten the sexual experience because of the nerve endings and the anal sphincters.

For men, fingering can be extremely pleasurable because of the prostate gland located just inside the rectum near the entrance. This can be incorporated during fellacio (blowjobs) or as its own thing. Again, anyone can enjoy anal play. Yes, even straight men. No, it doesn’t make you gay. I’m serious. If it feels good, why deny yourself the pleasure? Some women are into pegging and you are not afraid to abandon your toxic masculinity why not let her take you from behind. If you need more reasons to bend over here are 11 reasons why straight men should try anal play. 

Anal play can come with the incorporation of toys, too. Butt plugs, dildos, and anal beads can be included, but be sure there is a base on it.

The Grocery list for Anal Play 

Test Drive

First, all individuals can engage in anal play no matter their sexual orientation or gender identification. Everyone can enjoy it because everyone has a butt! According to the podcast SWOON: Love Lessons with Julie and Ginaif you want to know if you might enjoy anal play try it when you masturbate.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Okay, so you want to engage in anal play. The first step you need to do is communicate with your partner. It’s obvious, no one likes a random finger in the ass. It’s not cool and definitely lacks consent. Also, accidental penetration of the anus with no preparation hurts really bad. Basically, communicate with your partner about all of your desires and fantasies, if you want to have a healthy sex life. After the talk is squared away you can move on. 

Sudsy and Steamy

The next step is to clean yourself up. The anus carries a lot of bacteria because that is where we release all of our waste. Additionally, you can get infections through your rectum by dirty toys and fingers, not to mention oral transmitted bacteria. Water douching may be acceptable for this part but be careful when using chemical douches, they can be harmful.

‘Touch my body’

Foreplay should always be including whether you are engaging in anal play or not because you and partner can relax, set the mood and prepare for the acts to come. According to SWOON, the whole rectum region is prone to stimulation. This stimulation allows for the consenting parties to relax. Possible ways to increase stimulation according to the ladies of SWOON include massages, the use of vibrators, teasing, and rimming (will get to this later).

Protection

Here are some important items you will need. First, lube because there is no gland or way for lubrication to form in your rectum. When engaging in the insertion form lube is a requirement. Saliva will not cut it so invest in a lubricant that you think will help you. The second thing you will need is condoms. If you are engaging in penis-anus type of anal play, you may want to use condoms to protect against bacteria and sexually transmitted infections. Be sure to note the kind of lube you can use with the condoms you are using. 

Getting Down to It

Now you have everything you need to experiment or engage in anal. Your research does not have to stop there the internet is full of sources to walk through anal play. Here’s a reiteration of the important stuff:

Unsure if you like anal, try it when you masturbate.

Talk to your partner to see if they are okay with it. 

Take things slow. 

Remember to breathe. 

Relax and have fun. 

Written by: Julie Cappiello