Sexcapades: Booty Werk

Sexcapades

Is it Ass eating Szn?

It’s been a while since I have written for Sexcapades, but finally I am getting back to my passion. The summer has been crazy for me between boys, moving, new jobs and beginnings I couldn’t keep up with my own adventures. I have broken many boundaries and old habits that I never thought I would do in a span of a summer. I have always struggled with admitted my feelings towards those who I like romantically but, I did it. Unlike my past self I did not take it back. Doing this lifted so much weight off of my shoulders and believe it or not allowed me to enjoy my sex life more. After I admitted my feelings I stopped caring about my dating life and being vulnerable because I learned that I was capable of having feelings. It may seem backwards but that I ‘stopped caring’ but it’s more like I learned how to actually go with the flow. At the end of the day, I am coming into my own and I genuinely enjoyed my summer with all of its highs and lows. 

Anyway, I was prompted with an interest adventure during one of my hookups. Butt stuff. Now, this isn’t the first time that I have introduced to the act. 

Flashback to August 2016

A. Finger. In. The. Butt. 

Freshman year Julie went to her first frat party. She met this guy who was a friend of someone in the frat. After a game of flip cup and feeling confident, she struck up a conversation with this handsome stranger which then escalated to dancing, then to kissing followed by touching, On the crowded dance floor, it was then that this mans put his hand down the backside of her pants.

“This is a weird way to go about things,” she thought to herself when it happened.

A. Finger. In. The. Butt. 

2016 Julie shook as can be jumped back, laughed and yelled no butt stuff! 

Though how it may seem very violating, I thought it was quite interesting because I was ready for this make out session to be taken to next level. This was not the level I was thinking, however. 

I have never lived down that story—it is too iconic

I’ve always joked about anal play and expressed possible interest in experimentation. Sex obviously feels different to all individuals and anal sex is no different. There are many ways to engage in sex too, same goes for anal sex. Some sexually active individuals may be afraid to express their desires, fantasies or they may not have the knowledge of the ways they engage in sexual acts. While there have countless references in pop culture about the very taboo act, anal play isn’t really that uncommon. I think the reason why people consider it taboo is that they don’t know how to go about it. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding anal play and they run deep in society.

There are a couple of things that need to be discussed before engaging in anal play. First, let me mention why I am referring to anal sex acts as anal play. There are a multitude of ways to engage. By using the word ‘play’ I am trying to implant the idea that this act can be enjoyable and inviting. As children we learned and expressed ourselves through playing. It was a release for us, why should that change as we grow up? The same goes for sex, we learn more about ourselves the more we engage.

A Brief History 

According to podcast Secret Pink Closet. by Golden Chidinma said anal sex was founded in ancient cultures like Greece. Here’s a fun fact: bisexuality was very prevalent in a lot of ancient cultures and in early civilizations in Greece, Rome and India Gods were depicted having sexual relations with one another and mortals. In Homer’s Iliad it implied that Achilles and his friend Patroclus were romantically involved. Yes, Achilles did have relationships with women too but the Ancient Greek men were very fluid with their sexuality. Between the third and fifth centuries, the Kama Sutra was written, a manual of Hindu sexual practices (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 13). However, with the spread Christianity throughout the world sexual practices became criminalized, tabooed and shamed. 

Types of Anal Play 

There are many ways one can incorporate anal play into the bedroom. You can use it as the full sexual act itself (anal sex), incorporate it into foreplay or you can dabble with in while you are engaging in sex. 

Anal sex is the act of the penis (or dildo) entering the anus. With proper preparation it can be very stimulating for both the giver and receiver. Again, anyone can engage in anal sex because we all have a butt. Additionally, it can be enjoyable sexually because of the highly sensitive nerve endings in the rectum (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 237). 

If anal sex is too much for you or your partner(s) it can be incorporated as a variation in foreplay. The consenting parties can engage in anilingus also known as rimming, or a rim job. Anilingus is the oral stimulation of the anus. It can be very pleasurable for the consenting parties. Again, starting off slow to help your partner relax and then you can progress once they are ready. In the next step, a finger can be added to the rectum which can heighten the sexual experience because of the nerve endings and the anal sphincters.

For men, fingering can be extremely pleasurable because of the prostate gland located just inside the rectum near the entrance. This can be incorporated during fellacio (blowjobs) or as its own thing. Again, anyone can enjoy anal play. Yes, even straight men. No, it doesn’t make you gay. I’m serious. If it feels good, why deny yourself the pleasure? Some women are into pegging and you are not afraid to abandon your toxic masculinity why not let her take you from behind. If you need more reasons to bend over here are 11 reasons why straight men should try anal play. 

Anal play can come with the incorporation of toys, too. Butt plugs, dildos, and anal beads can be included, but be sure there is a base on it.

The Grocery list for Anal Play 

Test Drive

First, all individuals can engage in anal play no matter their sexual orientation or gender identification. Everyone can enjoy it because everyone has a butt! According to the podcast SWOON: Love Lessons with Julie and Ginaif you want to know if you might enjoy anal play try it when you masturbate.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Okay, so you want to engage in anal play. The first step you need to do is communicate with your partner. It’s obvious, no one likes a random finger in the ass. It’s not cool and definitely lacks consent. Also, accidental penetration of the anus with no preparation hurts really bad. Basically, communicate with your partner about all of your desires and fantasies, if you want to have a healthy sex life. After the talk is squared away you can move on. 

Sudsy and Steamy

The next step is to clean yourself up. The anus carries a lot of bacteria because that is where we release all of our waste. Additionally, you can get infections through your rectum by dirty toys and fingers, not to mention oral transmitted bacteria. Water douching may be acceptable for this part but be careful when using chemical douches, they can be harmful.

‘Touch my body’

Foreplay should always be including whether you are engaging in anal play or not because you and partner can relax, set the mood and prepare for the acts to come. According to SWOON, the whole rectum region is prone to stimulation. This stimulation allows for the consenting parties to relax. Possible ways to increase stimulation according to the ladies of SWOON include massages, the use of vibrators, teasing, and rimming (will get to this later).

Protection

Here are some important items you will need. First, lube because there is no gland or way for lubrication to form in your rectum. When engaging in the insertion form lube is a requirement. Saliva will not cut it so invest in a lubricant that you think will help you. The second thing you will need is condoms. If you are engaging in penis-anus type of anal play, you may want to use condoms to protect against bacteria and sexually transmitted infections. Be sure to note the kind of lube you can use with the condoms you are using. 

Getting Down to It

Now you have everything you need to experiment or engage in anal. Your research does not have to stop there the internet is full of sources to walk through anal play. Here’s a reiteration of the important stuff:

Unsure if you like anal, try it when you masturbate.

Talk to your partner to see if they are okay with it. 

Take things slow. 

Remember to breathe. 

Relax and have fun. 

Written by: Julie Cappiello

Sexcapades: A Late Pride Month Tribute to My Sister

In my quest to include the LGBTQ+ community in Sexcapades it dawned me that I should write about a lesbian icon that has impacted my life.

I wanted this to be posted for pride month which is the month of June but I’ve had terrible writer’s block. For the longest time, I’ve wanted to write a post for the LGBTQ+ community but it was hard finding the words to. I didn’t want to offend anyone nor did I want to perpetuate stereotypes.

My sister Justine is one of the two greatest sisters that I could have ever asked for. My sisters and I have travelled together through many lifetimes and I am forever grateful that they chose to be my sisters in this one. I’m sorry Grae but this post isn’t about you, but I have to show some love for my big sister. 

At 5 feet 3 inches, she is covered head-to-toe with tattoos. She has a full sleeve on both of her arms, full sleeve in the process on her one leg, her ribs, neck, back and head, and even the initials of our sister Grace on her butt. She is a walking promotion for our cousin who has done all of her tattoos. Everywhere we go people stop her to talk about her tattoos. They stare as she walks by working up the courage to say nice ink. With her bright blue eyes and short, brown hair she is beautiful. Her natural beauty is outstanding that she doesn’t need makeup (not that she would know how to even apply it). 

Justine is the most caring and loyal person I know. Her love for dogs, her family, her friends show with everything she does. She is the sister that drove six days with me across the country. She is the sister that helped her youngest sister start a dog walking business. She is the sister that patiently helps her brother move in and fix his house. She supports her friends throughout all their achievements, engagements, new jobs and businesses. She is there for her parents when they need her the most. She constantly tells our mother that she can live with her and her future wife when she gets old. Justine is so caring and so passionate that when a dog she walked had to be put down while the family was on vacation, she stayed with dog so it wasn’t alone. 

Justine and I driving in Chicago on our road trip.

At just 7 years old my sister would wake up in the middle of the night to me, a crying infant. She would change me and carry me to our mother so she can feed me. As we got older Justine would babysit Grace and I. I remember always being around her and her friends when our parents went out. She told me that sometimes when she would watch us she would get afraid that we were dead she so she’d wake us up when we were sleeping. Basically, Justine was a second mother sometimes.

I guess I had always known that my sister was a lesbian; she never had a boyfriend. Obviously, she was never interested in boys. She didn’t come out until college when she brought home a girlfriend. The way it seems to me is that as a family, we didn’t see it as a big deal. However, to her, I think it was a big deal. Although my sister’s coming out story was much more lighthearted when compared to others, this isn’t meant to say that everyone’s experiences are the same. My family was just fortunate enough to be accepting and loving of the fact because, like I said, we all knew. We were raised to love someone beyond their sexual orientation.

In fact, when my hometown raised the Pride flag for the first time this past June my mother and sister went there to express their support. And then, my mother posted on Facebook a series of hashtags that made my siblings and I hysterically laugh. I can say that on behalf of my family that we will accept you no matter what you identify as. There is always plenty of room and food if you want to join the Cappiello Clan. 

My mom’s facebook post about the Pride Flag Ceremony in my town.

Having my sister be out and proud makes me reflect on how different it can be for other people. It creates a false reality for me because I can’t comprehend how people can be homophobic. In my eyes, we are all the same and no sexual orientation or identification can change the fact that we are all human beings and that deserve love, respect, and happiness. So when I walked into my living room on June 12, 2016, to my older sister crying on our couch. My heart immediately sank. I went over to comfort her and she asked if I had seen the news about what happened in Orlando. I had. Forty-nine people were killed in a mass shooting inside Pulse Night Club. My heart immediately sank for my sister because it hit so close to home for her. I don’t know if she shares this memory but I remember being sick to my stomach that she was so affected by it.

The following year my sisters and I went to the Pride Parade in New York City. That experience was so exciting for me because millions of people from all over were there to celebrate one another and love. I felt so honored to be there to celebrate my sister. It is upsetting that I cannot be there this year to celebrate pride with her this year but I will be celebrating her and right to love whomever she chooses in San Diego.

To my sister that can quote almost every Will Ferrell movie: I am so proud that you feel safe enough to openly express who you are and confident enough to wear your heart on your tattoo covered sleeve. I couldn’t have asked for a better role model in my life. “I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more.”

Written by: Julie Cappiello 
Justine and I’s selfie on the first night of our road trip to San Diego.
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Sexcapades: Loss of Abortion Begins Attack on Sexual Autonomy

Sexcapades

On this week’s edition of Sexcapades, in light of the recent events within Alabama, the topic of abortion and what’s next is discussed.

Originally, last week’s post was supposed to take a form of another theme. I had this strong, intuitive gut feeling that I should write a book review of Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice and talk about abortion. So I changed it. Last week, the most restrictive, oppressive and horrifying laws were passed in Georgia, Alabama, Missouri and Ohio. When media coined ‘heart beat bill’ was passed in Georgia I was sick to my stomach. Then when Alabama followed, I was enraged. 

Last Monday, I had this feeling that I should write another post about abortion and how important sexual autonomy as a human right. Whenever I began to write I all that would come out was anger and fear. Again on Tuesday, all I felt was fear. Fear for myself, my friends, my sisters, cousins, aunts. Fear for women at my school, in my community and women in the states where their choice, freedom and bodies were being stripped away from them. Wednesday, I meditated and I asked for clarity on what to do. When we fear something we give it power, we give it our energy. The energy we invest in fearing something is energy wasted when instead we can use that energy to fight something. It is Thursday that I am writing this and I know what to do. 

A 46-Year-Old Monumental Stride:

Roe v. Wadeis a law that was passed in 1973 in the height of the second-wave feminism movement. It was decided by the Supreme Court that the Constitution provides a “fundamental right to privacy” protecting “a woman’s right to an abortion prior to the viability of the fetus.” 

What does this mean? Let’s break it down. 

Fundamental right to privacy:

 “Fundamental right to privacy is listed under the Due Process Clause in the Fourteenth AmendmentDue Processoffers defense against the denial of life, liberty or property by the government. What is tricky and troubling about the Fourteenth Amendment is that ‘privacy’ and ‘right to privacy’ is listed a “fundamental right,” yet personal autonomy is not.

Viability of the fetus:

Viability of the fetus is the age at which the fetus is able to survive outside the womb with medical assistance.  The Court decided that after the second trimester the fetus became viable. The third trimester begins around week 28 of a pregnancy and lasts until birth. Pregnancy usually last about 40 weeks. The Court ruled the state could regulate or ban abortions after the second trimester with the exception of preserving “the life and health of the mother.”

Lives at Stake: The threat to Roe

Since the ruling of Roe, women’s sexual autonomy and right to privacy has been constantly under attack. Not ever 50 years later, five states have passed regressive, oppressive and restrictive abortion bills the nation has ever seen. As a country we are regressing and it is time we do something about it.

April 11: Ohio Governor Mike DeWine signed a bill that would prevent abortions to be performed after the fetal heartbeat has been detected. The heartbeat is detected at six weeks before most women even know they are pregnant. According to Guttmacher Institute, Ohio is the third state to pass an abortion ban bill with Kentucky and Mississippi being the first two. This ban will start in July of this year

May 7: Georgia’s Governor Brian Kemp signs the nation’s most restrictive abortion ban. Similar to Ohio, women in Georgia cannot seek out abortions after six weeks. The most gruesome part is that the bill provides punishment for women who seek out and those who perform abortions. Abortion Practitioners can face up to 10 years in prison that is more time in jail than Brock TunerShane Piche, and Michael Wysolovski.

May 15: Alabama’s Governor Kay Ivey signs a similar bill that punishes abortion practitioners with life in prison. Again, more time in prison than Jacob Walter AndersonAustin James Wilkerson, and  Benjamin Lawrence Petty. As if this bill couldn’t get more disturbing, the amendment for the exemption of rape and incest failed 11-21. 

Is there more that can be done? While access to abortion is amazing there are a few more things that should be included in this conversation: Primarily, sex education & health care.

Action we need to take:

Our country loves to oppress, control and abuse the women who live and step foot in it. Women of color have known this since the dawn of time. These laws hit their communities just as hard, if not harder than others. This is where there is less access to quality health care and coverage, lower education, and higher poverty rates.

Every day we are getting closer to a reality similar to the Handmaid’s Tale.It is horrifying that our society is mimicking a piece of fiction, like it was meant to warn us about the dangers that lie ahead. With that being said it is not the time to call for a sex strike; It is time to share stories and advocate for safer practices, better sex education programs, and improved access to health care. All the policies that Republicans and “pro-lifers” are against.

While these bills are detrimental let’s not forget about the conservative leaning Supreme Court and the accused sexual predator Justice Brett Kavanaugh. At the end of the day, Roe needs serious protection.

Written by: Julie Cappiello

Sexcapades: Review of Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice

Sexcapades

Sexcapades reviews Dr. Willis Parker’s Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice, followed by a discussion on abortion.

Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice is a memoir outlining Dr. Willie Parker’s journey to becoming an abortion doctor and reproductive activist. Seamlessly blending his strong Christian beliefs, love for medical science and the philosophy that a woman’s body is her own, Dr. Parker eloquently encompasses what it means to be a Good Samaritan. 

As an African American growing up in the Deep South during the height of Civil Rights Movement, Dr. Parker’s words strongly imitate those of Dr. Martin Luther Kings—a role model of his. Dr. Parker’s rise from adversities like poverty, racism, and being raised by a single mother was extremely moving. His tenacity radiated throughout every word, sentence and chapter. There was not a time in reading this book where I did not feel moved or was awed in some way.

As I mentioned, Dr. Parker has faced a lot of adversities. He grew up in Wylam, Alabama in a small, impoverish neighborhood. Many people who grow up in communities like his do not see a way out. While, Dr. Parker had a lot of role models to look up to but he also faced a multitude of racism and community doubt that he would succeed. For example, Dr. Parker was told by a guidance counselor to become a carpenter because he said he liked to work with his hands. Despite his doubtful environment, Dr. Parker was consistently dedicated to his religion and education. He has graduated from Brea College in Kentucky and has received degrees from the University of Iowa College of Medicine, the Harvard School of Public Health, the University of Cincinnati, and the University of Michigan. 

I was initially intrigued by how Dr. Parker’s Christian faith would factor into his profession and activism.

To be honest, before reading the book I thought Dr. Parker would completely abandon his faith when he began his practice of abortions and activism. I scolded myself after reading the book because that is a very ignorant ideology. Dr. Parker’s religion is not separate from his line of work and activism. It fuels and empowers it. Dr. Parker and his book showed me how he uses Christianity to empower women, their sexuality and dreams. His interpretation of his religion is beautiful, eye-opening and definitely differs from the way ‘pro-lifers,’ or antis as he calls them, use Christianity to push their controlling and hatred agenda. 

What I loved a lot about the book is Dr. Parker’s inclusion of stories of women he has encounter in his line of work. It is what I found to be the most de-stigmatizing of the entire book. These women have dreams to be successful too. According to Dr. Parker’s book, most women who are seeking abortions are women who come from a low socioeconomic background. These are the women who have to scrape every penny together to have an abortion. Their limited access to safe abortions is because they have limited access to good health care and insurance. Some women are likely to have no insurance at all, some have other children at home, some are beaten by their husbands and some are teenagers. What all of these women have in common is that they have dreams too, they have hopes, desires and realities.

Dr. Parker’s book puts it in perspective how detrimental restrictive abortion laws are to women who need them.

Dr. Parker calls out how unconstitutional U.S policies are on abortion and how lawmakers are shutting down abortion clinics making it harder for women to seek them out. Twenty-seven states in America have imposed waiting periods between twenty-four and seventy-two hours for women to get abortions. This waiting period is between the initial visit for counseling and consultation and the actual abortion appointment. Every minute a woman delays her abortion the price increases because she moves farther along in her pregnancy. Dr. Parker says policies like the waiting period is financially disabling women who may already be living under or around the poverty line. The book cites calculations from ThinkProgress that if a woman in Wisconsin wants to terminate a first trimester pregnancy after you factor in gas, taking off of work, child care expenses (if she has children at home), and the waiting period that it would cost her over one thousand dollars.

Financial instability causes a huge issue because some states may only allow first trimester abortions, thus, making it harder for women to receive an abortion. Due to the harsher and stricter policies being enacted by states some women are forced to bring a pregnancy to full term. These laws are robbing women of their reproductive freedom and possibly making them more financially unstable than they were before:

“According to data from Planned Parenthood, more than one third of women having abortions in the second trimester said they delayed because they needed time to raise the money.”

Dr. Willis Parker (102)

Mississippi has a ban on second trimester abortions, Dr. Parker tells a story of a young woman who was thirteen weeks pregnant and needed time to scrape together extra money. By the time he saw her again the gestational age of the fetus was sixteen weeks and one day. Dr. Parker was not able to perform an abortion because she was now in the second trimester of her pregnancy. The best he can do for women in this situation is inform them of other clinics that are allowed to second trimester abortions but sometimes they way over state lines.

A consequence of harsh restrictive laws are the dwindling number of abortion clinics in the United States.

In the states where abortion clinics are disappearing and there are more restrictive policies, surveys found that Google searches in DIY abortions spiked. For example, in Texas between 2012-2015 the number of abortion clinics has decreased from forty-one to seventeen. DIY abortions are extremely dangerous because these women may take illegal medications, homeopathic remedies and even worse trying to perform their own abortion with household items like a coat hanger. Dr. Parker says women who take illegal pills put themselves at extreme risks, especially if it doesn’t work. Dr. Parker says these laws force women into corners and then ultimately make the decision for them by making it a very public and political battle.

“It is extremely dangerous for anyone to take unidentifiable pills for any reason, and if one woman was brave enough to enter my office having pursued that course, then there are many others who are not.”  

Dr. Parker Willis (105)

As a feminist and a person that stands on the “pro-choice” side of the abortion argument, I believe that if a woman does not wish to be pregnant it is ultimately her choice to terminate it. I chose this book because I wanted to hear a perspective from an OB-GYN who perform abortions. Reading Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice has changed my life and increased my beliefs that a woman reproductive choices are entirely up to her. Dr. Willie Parker is an inspiration and truly embodies what it means to be a Good Samaritan. I would totally recommend this book to everyone, even if you are not ‘pro-choice,’ it puts abortion in the perspective about it can empower and help women in our society. I believe because advocates like Dr. Willie Parker the stigmatization of abortions can be greatly reduced. 

Written by: Julie Cappiello
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