Is it Ass eating Szn?
It’s been a while since I have written for Sexcapades, but finally I am getting back to my passion. The summer has been crazy for me between boys, moving, new jobs and beginnings I couldn’t keep up with my own adventures. I have broken many boundaries and old habits that I never thought I would do in a span of a summer. I have always struggled with admitted my feelings towards those who I like romantically but, I did it. Unlike my past self I did not take it back. Doing this lifted so much weight off of my shoulders and believe it or not allowed me to enjoy my sex life more. After I admitted my feelings I stopped caring about my dating life and being vulnerable because I learned that I was capable of having feelings. It may seem backwards but that I ‘stopped caring’ but it’s more like I learned how to actually go with the flow. At the end of the day, I am coming into my own and I genuinely enjoyed my summer with all of its highs and lows.
Anyway, I was prompted with an interest adventure during one of my hookups. Butt stuff. Now, this isn’t the first time that I have introduced to the act.
Flashback to August 2016
A. Finger. In. The. Butt.
Freshman year Julie went to her first frat party. She met this guy who was a friend of someone in the frat. After a game of flip cup and feeling confident, she struck up a conversation with this handsome stranger which then escalated to dancing, then to kissing followed by touching, On the crowded dance floor, it was then that this mans put his hand down the backside of her pants.
“This is a weird way to go about things,” she thought to herself when it happened.
A. Finger. In. The. Butt.
2016 Julie shook as can be jumped back, laughed and yelled no butt stuff!
Though how it may seem very violating, I thought it was quite interesting because I was ready for this make out session to be taken to next level. This was not the level I was thinking, however.
I have never lived down that story—it is too iconic
I’ve always joked about anal play and expressed possible interest in experimentation. Sex obviously feels different to all individuals and anal sex is no different. There are many ways to engage in sex too, same goes for anal sex. Some sexually active individuals may be afraid to express their desires, fantasies or they may not have the knowledge of the ways they engage in sexual acts. While there have countless references in pop culture about the very taboo act, anal play isn’t really that uncommon. I think the reason why people consider it taboo is that they don’t know how to go about it. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding anal play and they run deep in society.
There are a couple of things that need to be discussed before engaging in anal play. First, let me mention why I am referring to anal sex acts as anal play. There are a multitude of ways to engage. By using the word ‘play’ I am trying to implant the idea that this act can be enjoyable and inviting. As children we learned and expressed ourselves through playing. It was a release for us, why should that change as we grow up? The same goes for sex, we learn more about ourselves the more we engage.
A Brief History
According to podcast Secret Pink Closet. by Golden Chidinma said anal sex was founded in ancient cultures like Greece. Here’s a fun fact: bisexuality was very prevalent in a lot of ancient cultures and in early civilizations in Greece, Rome and India Gods were depicted having sexual relations with one another and mortals. In Homer’s Iliad it implied that Achilles and his friend Patroclus were romantically involved. Yes, Achilles did have relationships with women too but the Ancient Greek men were very fluid with their sexuality. Between the third and fifth centuries, the Kama Sutra was written, a manual of Hindu sexual practices (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 13). However, with the spread Christianity throughout the world sexual practices became criminalized, tabooed and shamed.
Types of Anal Play
There are many ways one can incorporate anal play into the bedroom. You can use it as the full sexual act itself (anal sex), incorporate it into foreplay or you can dabble with in while you are engaging in sex.
Anal sex is the act of the penis (or dildo) entering the anus. With proper preparation it can be very stimulating for both the giver and receiver. Again, anyone can engage in anal sex because we all have a butt. Additionally, it can be enjoyable sexually because of the highly sensitive nerve endings in the rectum (Rathus, Nevid, & Fichner-Rathus, Human sexuality in a Changing World, 2018, p. 237).
If anal sex is too much for you or your partner(s) it can be incorporated as a variation in foreplay. The consenting parties can engage in anilingus also known as rimming, or a rim job. Anilingus is the oral stimulation of the anus. It can be very pleasurable for the consenting parties. Again, starting off slow to help your partner relax and then you can progress once they are ready. In the next step, a finger can be added to the rectum which can heighten the sexual experience because of the nerve endings and the anal sphincters.
For men, fingering can be extremely pleasurable because of the prostate gland located just inside the rectum near the entrance. This can be incorporated during fellacio (blowjobs) or as its own thing. Again, anyone can enjoy anal play. Yes, even straight men. No, it doesn’t make you gay. I’m serious. If it feels good, why deny yourself the pleasure? Some women are into pegging and you are not afraid to abandon your toxic masculinity why not let her take you from behind. If you need more reasons to bend over here are 11 reasons why straight men should try anal play.
Anal play can come with the incorporation of toys, too. Butt plugs, dildos, and anal beads can be included, but be sure there is a base on it.
The Grocery list for Anal Play
First, all individuals can engage in anal play no matter their sexual orientation or gender identification. Everyone can enjoy it because everyone has a butt! According to the podcast SWOON: Love Lessons with Julie and Gina, if you want to know if you might enjoy anal play try it when you masturbate.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Okay, so you want to engage in anal play. The first step you need to do is communicate with your partner. It’s obvious, no one likes a random finger in the ass. It’s not cool and definitely lacks consent. Also, accidental penetration of the anus with no preparation hurts really bad. Basically, communicate with your partner about all of your desires and fantasies, if you want to have a healthy sex life. After the talk is squared away you can move on.
Sudsy and Steamy
The next step is to clean yourself up. The anus carries a lot of bacteria because that is where we release all of our waste. Additionally, you can get infections through your rectum by dirty toys and fingers, not to mention oral transmitted bacteria. Water douching may be acceptable for this part but be careful when using chemical douches, they can be harmful.
‘Touch my body’
Foreplay should always be including whether you are engaging in anal play or not because you and partner can relax, set the mood and prepare for the acts to come. According to SWOON, the whole rectum region is prone to stimulation. This stimulation allows for the consenting parties to relax. Possible ways to increase stimulation according to the ladies of SWOON include massages, the use of vibrators, teasing, and rimming (will get to this later).
Here are some important items you will need. First, lube because there is no gland or way for lubrication to form in your rectum. When engaging in the insertion form lube is a requirement. Saliva will not cut it so invest in a lubricant that you think will help you. The second thing you will need is condoms. If you are engaging in penis-anus type of anal play, you may want to use condoms to protect against bacteria and sexually transmitted infections. Be sure to note the kind of lube you can use with the condoms you are using.
Getting Down to It
Now you have everything you need to experiment or engage in anal. Your research does not have to stop there the internet is full of sources to walk through anal play. Here’s a reiteration of the important stuff:
Unsure if you like anal, try it when you masturbate.
Talk to your partner to see if they are okay with it.
Take things slow.
Remember to breathe.
Relax and have fun.