Sexcapades: ENOUGH with the creepy DMs.

Sexcapades

On this week’s Sexcapades: We explore how since the dawn of time, people have thought that creepy overused pickup lines were the gateway to a woman’s heart (and vagina).

I can see cavemen grunting and winking toward cavewomen in hopes that she will invite him back to her cave. In the year 2019, nothing has changed, except that the pickup lines begin on social media in the DMs.

This is why I took my Instagram link off of my Tinder profile because I would get the weirdest messages. But I wish I knew that I would end up writing a sex blog, because I otherwise would have kept them. One of the creepiest DMs that I’ve received is forever engraved in my memory. It said, “I want to make you like I make my Chipotle Burritos. Hot, spicy and stuffed.” Mortified does not even come close to describing how I still feel.

On my quest to recover some of my encounters with the third kind, I went to place where all of my deepest, darkest secrets lie: the ‘Mission Impossible’ group chat. It was in that alternate reality where I discovered an equally horrifying DM as the one I mentioned before.

The pickup line within itself is not horrible, but it’s the last sentence that sends shivers down my spine.

 

“I had to skip tinder to message you”

 First of all, if we don’t match on Tinder what gives you the idea that I want to talk to you on another social media platform! The whole point of Tinder is to connect with people through…wait for it kids…TINDER. Okay, I get it, I can see how he could have gotten confused, I did put my Instagram in my bio. However, the only reason why I, and most other people do that, is to make sure the rest of the nondesperates knew I was real.

Second of all, I am not going to answer all your prayers. I am your darkest nightmare. And no, it did not hurt when I fell from heaven because I crawled my way out of HELL.

On a scale of 1 to 10, these DMs are creepy!

I was going to rate these DMs on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how creepy they are, but let’s be honest if a random person is sliding into your DMs its always creepy. I want to thank to all the lovely people for submitting their creepy messages.

Gimme yo f***in’ money!

 

Submitted by Anonymous

What a way to get the job done. Send the person a wad of money with no context! The ‘Booooooo’ and ‘So sad lol’ kill me honestly. How the hell does one respond to this? Is this a solicitation or demand to be your sugar baby? I have so many questions but I don’t know if I want to know the answers.

Hello 9-11, there’s a creep in my DMs

Submitted by Anonymous

The recovery on this DM is very smooth, I’m going to give them that. Also the dedication to incorporate the emojis and “sound effect” is very creative. “Wow” is a very appropriate response because what other response could be said. I hope this girl gave him a chance. I think I ship them together. Actually, I do ship them together.

Remember boys, consistency is key!

Submitted by Anonymous

Four years. For four years this mans messaged this girl. He wants to apologize for blowing up their phone for the last couple of days, but where is the apology for the LAST FOUR YEARS? Clearly, they doesn’t want to talk to you if they doesn’t answer. This, kids, is what we all obsession. Mariah Carey wrote a song about this!

“I don’t have creepy DMs but I do have creepy dudes who don’t stop. When I don’t answer your texts and then you start messaging me on Twitter to see if I open them…Men!”

Submitted by Gianna

Gianna, honey, I am so sorry this happens to you. It is one thing to have men message you creepy things it is another to have them contact you through multiple platforms. These are the worst kind of men.

Submitted by Gianna

I thought it was just an urban legend of boys messaging you through LinkedIn. I feel like I just saw Bigfoot. I feel like I don’t even need to explain how creepy this situation is. At the same time, this is absolutely hilarious, because of all the social media sites we have, this man decided to choose LinkedIn of all sites.

“Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.”

This post isn’t so much about sex or a sexual act to say. However, this post highlights the great lengths boy will go through to get laid. On my quest to understand, I decided to google some cheesy pickup lines. To my surprise a few were found in the submissions. I couldn’t help but wonder, do boys google cheesy pickup lines?

I shuddered at the thought of a boy looking at girl’s profile and thinking to himself, “I can totally bang this girl.” Though his confidence seems to be beaming because he is sitting behind a screen, he wipes a little bit of sweat off his forehead. He types out “There’s something wrong with my cellphone. It doesn’t have your number in it.” He chuckles to himself a bit, presses send and waits for a response. Most of the time he will keep on waiting and somewhere in that girl’s group chat her and her friends are roasting the shit out of him.

If you have an enlightening or funny sex story submit it here!

Written by: Julie Cappiello

YOUTUBE: FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE?

We all know it as the go to place for videos, ranging from funny pets to gameplays on just about any video game out there. Within the past decade alone,  Youtube has risen from just a regular social media platform to an enterprise.

However, it seems that Youtube is in a bit of hot water. They’ve recently reached some issues among creators, due to the demonetization of videos, where creators could possibly lost out on financial opportunities via view count. As this has hit the bigger Youtube creators, it’s also shown a great fallout among aspiring, smaller channels that don’t get as much views or are just starting out.

And now, to add onto to this, Youtube has attempted to create a solution: Youtube Heroes.

Youtube Heroes, is essentially Youtube’s equivalent to the Avengers Initiative, but with more obvious flaws than the rag-tag team of comic book characters. It allows viewers to become a part of the Youtube, but behind the scenes. There are levels, in which each user rises in through accumulation of points. Possible ways to gain points include adding captions/subtitles to videos, reporting inappropriate content, sharing knowledge with others, etc.

Once you’re a “hero”, you have access to a personalized “hero dashboard”, which allows you to join in on the “hero community”. From there, heroes have access to workshops, video chats, as well as having tools that allow the hero to mass flag videos and help in moderating content in the heroes community. Heroes will also be able to contact Youtube staff directly, as well as test new features before they are released.

But is this just a gateway for Youtube’s downfall?

Many big Youtube creators have openly spoken out against this news, many dubbing this as “The End of Youtube”.

Which to me, sounds extremely accurate.

I personally think that, unless they have a 24/7 monitoring system of the “heroes community”, Youtube is going to have some big issues coming their way. Creators, both big and small alike, are going to be facing some big challenges for their videos. This has to be one of the biggest opportunities, for all internet trolls alike, to abuse the power that comes with being a “Youtube Hero”.

 

But what do you think? Do you think that “Youtube Heroes” will actually bring balance to Youtube? Or will they turn to the Dark Side and destroy it completely?

 

And if you found this topic interesting, or at the very least appreciate my subtle (or not so subtle, whichever you prefer) nerdy references, I host an evening talk show on Saturdays at 7 PM PST! The show is called “Bingeworthy”, and I cohost the show with my friend Kentaro Kawasaki. Come tune in Saturday nights and follow us on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter at @KCRBingeworthy.