The Pansexual Panel: Why only with straight men?

The Pansexual Panel

Think about you. Why are you only having sex with straight men? Are you really being who you want to be? Or are you hiding in plain sight?

Just the other day someone asked “who are you (what gender, what sex)?” and vaguely gestured to my bright pastel clothing. A gesture that could only be interpreted as pure confusion over my sexuality and attached to it my gender identity. Everyone wants to place you in a box because they feel uncomfortable that they can’t judge you with a quick glance. This discomfort spreads even more when they aren’t sure if they should use HE SHE OR THEY assuming THEY ever comes across their mind. Sure dealing with straight culture can dampen your otherwise queer day, but that’s not the point. What drew me to this tiny corner of the internet today was a discussion among my Femme friends about sexual pleasure. More specifically:

Are you having an orgasm every single time you have sex?

Too broad? Let’s narrow that down:

Are women having orgasms when they have sex with men?

Please note the word “men” is being using lightly and for obvious reasons is not capitalized. More on that later I promise. The story begins with our close friend, who we will call Katie for the sake of her privacy and her innocent questions. Our friend group was not prepared for the bomb shell she dropped on us just a few days ago. Seemingly out of nowhere she asked:

Do you guys have an orgasm every single time you have sex?

Among the many answers came a single question:

Are you only having sex with straight men?

She nodded yes and a loud sigh came from every queer member of this impromptu panel that was formed around this single question. She continued to explain that her sexual relationship consisted of vigorous sex for just a few minutes during which she never quite got there. Plain and simple she wasn’t enjoying her sexual relationship with her boyfriend. Or rather her own pleasure was not being put up for discussion by her nor her boyfriend. Naturally we suggested that be the first step but to our dismay we discovered that he told her “It just takes too long”.

Let’s unpack that; a young girl mid-twenties who can count her sexual partners on her hand has now been told her want for pleasure is inconvenient.

F*** THAT.

Orgasms are important!

Obviously the first step should be an open discussion about pleasure both shared and individual but if someone isn’t willing to do that for you then you should consider why you are keeping them around. Is this a critique of straight men? Not at all, but consider that the most unsatisfied women we’ve ever encountered are always having sex with straight men. See, our set societal norms are cock blocking us. Seriously, the patriarchy has become so prominent and normalized that some women are questioning if they should be enjoying sex at all. The answer is:

YES!

Of course you should be enjoying sex, we should be redefining sex to include a huge variety of things. Penetration isn’t the only form of sex and I’m here to tell you that you need to stop letting people shame you. Upset some fucking people, talk back, question their motives be loud and be seen.

What is the first step? Start here if you like. This won’t be a 100% percent correct and informational one stop shop for all things sex, gender, sexual identity but it will be a place you can be honest with yourself and each other if you are willing to enter into that conversation.

Who am I?

My names Jonathan Richard Sotelo, I’m Mexican Guatemalan American. I am Queer, Pansexual, and gender non-conforming. If you believe in the spectrum you could place me right in the middle.

Until next time, think about you.

Written by: Jonathan Richard Sotelo

Vulgarity in Latin Trap

Latin trap has become extremely popular in the past few years. Artists like Bad Bunny, Anuel AA, Ozuna, Arcángel and Bryant Myers have been able to attract large audiences, frequently collaborating with each other, as well as with other Latin trap artists. Creating hits that become widely popular, they have reached hundreds of millions of views on YouTube and a similar amount of streams on Spotify.

Thus, this genre, with its great popularity and mass amount of listeners, obviously has a large platform. Yet, the genre is controversial amongst some people, particularly feminists, as this music is known to have vulgar and explicit lyrics about women and sex, as well as the glorification of drugs, money and weapons. If you put any song on by one of the artists mentioned above, or any other Latin trap artist, the lyrics are going to stand out. It is atypical for a song in this particular genre of music to not talk about the numerous sexual conquests of the men rapping the songs with explicit descriptions and to not objectify women, who are usually described for their bodies and their sexual performance.

When the wildly popular Colombian artist Maluma, who sings pop and reggaeton, dabbled in the genre of trap, there was immediate outrage. Maluma’s “Cuatro Babys,” which features Puerto Rican trap rappers Bryant Myers, Noriel and Juhn, was released in October 2016, and started great controversy. Particularly, the song was criticized by mothers whose children listen to Maluma’s music, as well as feminists, who described the song as being misogynistic and sexist.

The song basically discusses how he is in love with four different women, and can’t decide who to choose. His dilemma arises from the fact that they’re all good in bed and all four of them are always more than willing to satisfy him in the bedroom whenever he calls them. Essentially, these women are all at his disposal, and he describes in great and explicit detail their sexual encounters. As Yolanda Dominguez wrote in a Huffington Post opinion piece soon after the song was released, “It describes them as simple, interchangeable bodies that are at the service of the limitless, unrestrained and uncontrollable sexual desire of boys.”

Maluma is an extremely popular artist and has a very impressionable young audience of mainly prepubescent girls, thus the controversy makes sense. Yet, if a fan of Latin trap were to listen to the song, this song would not really stand out to them, in the grand scheme of this genre. Because, such lyrics are extremely common in Latin trap. Women are constantly described in such explicit manners, and are objectified in these songs.

Thus this begs the question: is Latin trap a deplorable genre of music that glorifies the portrayal of women as mere sex objects? And by listening to this music, is this in turn supporting these men’s views and perpetuating this idea that women should be viewed in this manner? Or, on the other hand, is Latin trap, and its lyrics, which describe street life and the artists’ perspectives from living in the hood, as Alejandro Pino, a scholar in cultural studies, describes it: a direct product of an entire culture that objectifies women in the first place? Are these artists merely just rapping about their personal experiences, and these lyrics are a mere social reflection of a cultural problem?

Featured Image can be found here.