The Pansexual Panel: Group Sex and Polyamory

The Pansexual Panel

Group sex, polyamory, and most importantly, taking care of yourself is the core message of the latest issue of The Pansexual Panel.

Let’s all collectively admit that people are giving polyamory a bad name by slapping it on every instance of group sex and calling it a day. Okay, now let’s take a step back and really dig into what the heck I’m talking about. Just the other day a question threw me for a loop; how do people even get into a situation were multiple people want to have sex with you?

It’s a fair question. And on my part, all the situations I’ve ended up in before just happened naturally. Not to say some didn’t have a few kinks (no pun intended) to work out. But to be perfectly honest it was more of a “right time, right place” kind of situation. Before delving into the topic, it should be noted that when polyamory is done right, when everyone is open and honest about their needs and wants, it works really well. It does require that you put out a lot more effort, but the payoff is almost always worth it.

And for the uninitiated: “Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.”

Let’s assume for this round that you are in fact looking to get into a sexual encounter with multiple people at the same time. Well good for you! Most people feel weird about sex in general but here you are wanting to dive head first into sexual exploration. My first instinct is to over plan, so definitely do not do that. However, this doesn’t mean you should skip expectations and limits. That’s right: LIMITS! Just because it’s a more open group doesn’t mean you have to compromise something. Establish these rules before moving forward and people will know you are serious about your boundaries.

Safety should always stick at the top of the list, both mentally and physically. Are you sexually active? Then get tested every 6 months to a year, or better yet, every 3-6 months. As long as you are making yourself top priority, you can literally do anything you like. Oftentimes people will try to rain on your parade and limit what you do; don’t let them! That message is especially directed towards femmes and ladies: slut shaming isn’t cool, “dude,” and I’m here to tell you that everyone else is just JEALOUS. That’s right, full on Jelly!

But all in all, if you want more legitimate information about sex in general check out the book: The Guide to Getting It On by Paul-Joannides

This book changed my life when I first read it 8 years ago, and I sure hope it gets you started down a road of sexual positivity. Until next time, enjoy your sex and make sure you don’t compromise your comfort for some else’s pleasure.

Written by: Jonathan Sotelo

San Diego State’s March Madness Bid Hopes

On March 6th, the San Diego State men’s basketball team faces off against Fresno State University, hoping to gain a bid into March Madness.

This is the 30th game of the season for SDSU and will feature a senior night farewell to stars such as Jeremy Hemsley, Devin Watson, and Michael Sohikish. The Aztecs have won 9 out of their last 11 games and will battle Fresno for the 3 seed at the Mountain West Championship hosted in Las Vegas. With a win against Fresno, the Aztecs would go undefeated at home in conference play for the second time in 20 years. Although the Aztecs will receive an automatic bid at the conference tournament, the question remains whether they will make the March Madness bid?

SDSU has appeared in 14 NCAA tournaments in school history and they have a chance to make the 68 team bracket in a couple weeks. However, Utah State or the University of Nevada will probably receive the automatic bid to March Madness. Though SDSU is the reigning conference champion, Utah and Nevada have both won at least 6 more games than SDSU in the 2018-19 season.

32 teams receive an automatic bid to March Madness based on their conference championship, 36 receive an at-large bid, and 4 play for the 16th seed in Ohio during the First Four tournament.

It is going to be awfully close in terms of whether or not SDSU will make the bracket. I project them to be “on the bubble” and finish the season with a 20-11 record, beating Fresno at home and losing to #17 Nevada on the road. That kind of a record will float them just around a .650% winning percentage for the season, which is NCAA March Madness material.

First, they have to beat Fresno at home and give Nevada a run for their money. Look for 2-time MW player of the week Jalen McDaniels to help aid them in that journey as he is averaging 16.4 points per game this season. Strength of schedule will play a factor in the NCAA’s evaluation tool for determining the 38 teams. I believe that beating Nevada in a stunning fashion on February 20th at Viejas Arena, and playing them on the road to end the season will boost SDSU’s chances of making the tournament.

Come March 17th, hopefully San Diego State’s name will be called.

Written by: Jacob McCulloh

The Pansexual Panel: Why only with straight men?

The Pansexual Panel

Think about you. Why are you only having sex with straight men? Are you really being who you want to be? Or are you hiding in plain sight?

Just the other day someone asked “who are you (what gender, what sex)?” and vaguely gestured to my bright pastel clothing. A gesture that could only be interpreted as pure confusion over my sexuality and attached to it my gender identity. Everyone wants to place you in a box because they feel uncomfortable that they can’t judge you with a quick glance. This discomfort spreads even more when they aren’t sure if they should use HE SHE OR THEY assuming THEY ever comes across their mind. Sure dealing with straight culture can dampen your otherwise queer day, but that’s not the point. What drew me to this tiny corner of the internet today was a discussion among my Femme friends about sexual pleasure. More specifically:

Are you having an orgasm every single time you have sex?

Too broad? Let’s narrow that down:

Are women having orgasms when they have sex with men?

Please note the word “men” is being using lightly and for obvious reasons is not capitalized. More on that later I promise. The story begins with our close friend, who we will call Katie for the sake of her privacy and her innocent questions. Our friend group was not prepared for the bomb shell she dropped on us just a few days ago. Seemingly out of nowhere she asked:

Do you guys have an orgasm every single time you have sex?

Among the many answers came a single question:

Are you only having sex with straight men?

She nodded yes and a loud sigh came from every queer member of this impromptu panel that was formed around this single question. She continued to explain that her sexual relationship consisted of vigorous sex for just a few minutes during which she never quite got there. Plain and simple she wasn’t enjoying her sexual relationship with her boyfriend. Or rather her own pleasure was not being put up for discussion by her nor her boyfriend. Naturally we suggested that be the first step but to our dismay we discovered that he told her “It just takes too long”.

Let’s unpack that; a young girl mid-twenties who can count her sexual partners on her hand has now been told her want for pleasure is inconvenient.

F*** THAT.

Orgasms are important!

Obviously the first step should be an open discussion about pleasure both shared and individual but if someone isn’t willing to do that for you then you should consider why you are keeping them around. Is this a critique of straight men? Not at all, but consider that the most unsatisfied women we’ve ever encountered are always having sex with straight men. See, our set societal norms are cock blocking us. Seriously, the patriarchy has become so prominent and normalized that some women are questioning if they should be enjoying sex at all. The answer is:

YES!

Of course you should be enjoying sex, we should be redefining sex to include a huge variety of things. Penetration isn’t the only form of sex and I’m here to tell you that you need to stop letting people shame you. Upset some fucking people, talk back, question their motives be loud and be seen.

What is the first step? Start here if you like. This won’t be a 100% percent correct and informational one stop shop for all things sex, gender, sexual identity but it will be a place you can be honest with yourself and each other if you are willing to enter into that conversation.

Who am I?

My names Jonathan Richard Sotelo, I’m Mexican Guatemalan American. I am Queer, Pansexual, and gender non-conforming. If you believe in the spectrum you could place me right in the middle.

Until next time, think about you.

Written by: Jonathan Richard Sotelo

SDSU men’s hoops looking to make a statement against CSU

Aztecs guard Jeremy Hemsley (42) attempts a basket. (Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports) per GoAztecs.com

The San Diego State men’s basketball team has had a tough time living up to the expectations given to them before this season started.

The Aztecs were the favorites to win the Mountain West conference. Outside of a two nationally recognized games (Gonzaga and Arizona State), the schedule was destined for a magical Steve Fisher season like we’ve seen several times in his time at SDSU. However, we are about halfway through the season, and the Aztecs are barely .500, opening the door for a lot of criticism from their hometown fans.

After falling to 10th in the MW conference a couple weeks ago, SDSU quickly rebounded with three consecutive wins in the conference, giving supporters of the Scarlet and Black some hope. The Aztecs, however, suffered another frustrating loss to Air Force, which further pushed SDSU’s title dreams out of the picture.

With 11 games still pinned on the schedule, all hope is not lost for the Aztecs.

Fisher is more than capable of leading SDSU on a prosperous run to close out the season, a run that will start with earning a win in Viejas Arena against Colorado State University on Saturday.

“All we have to do is look at the stats right now, Fisher said. “One game separates those of us with three losses from first place, and one game separates those with three losses from eighth place. So every game is crucial to have a chance to win this league.”

The Aztecs (12-8) will look to climb out of sixth place in the MW with a win over fifth-place CSU (12-8).

Led by redshirt senior guard Gian Clavell (16.3 PPG) and senior forward Emmanuel Omogbo (13.3 PPG), the Rams’ offense has flashed their horns in recent weeks.

SDSU will lean on their backcourt in sophomore guard Jeremy Hemsley (14.9 PPG) and junior guard Try Kell (13.3 PPG) to rally the Aztecs’ struggling offense to new heights.

Additionally, look for SDSU to rely on senior forward Matt Shrigley to spark their offense with some key three-pointers in transition.

The Aztecs’ defense, on the other hand, has maintained its strength this season despite the team’s poor record. SDSU’s defense has held opponents to less than 61 points per game in each of their last four games.

With that, the Aztecs’ defense must again carry the load against CSU’s highly talented offense in order to keep the pressure off the team’s inconsistent offensive attack.

Follow @KCRSports to see live tweets from Saturday’s game starting at 3:00 p.m. (PST).