Sexcapades: You Should Have Shameless Sex!

An Introduction to Sexcapades:

Let me start my sex blog by saying this: I love to talk about sex. I don’t mind talking about sex, sex education, sex positions, sex toys, sex kinks; if it’s a good story I’ll listen. Even among my friends, I’m always the first to bring up my latest sexcapades. I have a few iconic stories that really solidified me as being sexually open; we’ll get to some of those later. I just have one request for my readers: be open-minded.  Please, don’t shame people for whatever type of sex they do or don’t have.

Speaking of shame, I was re-watching Big Mouth (If you haven’t watched it by now, what are you doing?) recently. In the episode titled “The Shame Wizard,” Andrew confides in his Rabbi about his shame in masturbation. The Rabbi tells Andrew to talk to the Catholics about shame. That line really stopped me in my tracks. If you know me, you know I am not religious and that I wasn’t raised that way. However, my parents and grandparents were raised Catholic.

My Shame:

In my teen years, I can recall a few sexual encounters where I felt shameful. There was the time sophomore year of high school where I vigorously made out with a senior at a party. Another time where I made out with that senior’s cousin in my friend’s boyfriend’s basement. And, the time I gave my first blowjob.

Sophomore year was a real sexual awakening time for me. It was a very fundamental time for me, my sex life and figuring our who I was. I felt like every coming of age girl should: powerful, sexy, strong, sometimes insecure and, of course, shame. I don’t understand why sex needs to have a blanket of shame that weighs over it. Yet, we’ve all felt it. Is sex shameful because of religion, is it the way we were raised, the society we live in or the media depictions that we are bombarded with?

I think the reason why I feel shame toward sex is from an ancestral pattern I inherited from my maternal lineage. My grandparents grew up in a time where sex was a taboo discussion. During that time, people only had sex to reproduce. Today, we have this hook up culture where we crave a no strings attached engagement.

Additionally on that side of the family is history of sexual trauma, or in other words, abuse. Not to mention, one of my great-aunts was forced into the convent because her parents thought she was promiscuous. Therefore, one could suggest that shame runs in the family.

My Triumph Over Shame:

Patterns like this influenced the way my siblings and I were taught about sex. Don’t get me wrong, I was taught proper sex education. Yet, I felt like I was bad for having these unspoken urges, like, I was deviant. As I matured, became self-aware and sexually awakened I tried different ways to break my ancestral pattern. This is one of those ways, writing about sex for the world to read. Similar to a modern day Carrie Bradshaw, but minus the city (though I miss it, dearly) and less fashionable outfits.

Another way I continue to break my shameful sex pattern, is being open and unapologetic for the way I am. Why should I be sorry for the way I present myself. Bobby Brown said it right, “I see nothing wrong, spreading myself around.” It is me being my authentic self. I am not trying to gloat that I have so much sex—I definitely don’t—but I don’t mind talking about it. It is a part of who I am. If talking about sex or your sex life is not for you, rock on, my dude.

Biology says its normal:

Say this to yourself: “My reason for shame does not define me!” Now scream it! You should not feel gross or guilty immediately after engaging a sexual activity. It should not make you feel that way — it should be consensual, and a time where you feel the most in your body. Your sexuality and sexual-ness makes you human.

We’ve all learned in biology that sex is natural, or at least seen some Planet Earth episodes where the animals have sex. The male bird makes a specific sound to attract mates, the Baboon presents its butt, female dogs go into heat; whatever it is, animals “do it” too. Bonobo chimpanzees and dolphins have sex for pleasure, just like humans. If the animal kingdom is having their cake and eating it too, why should humans forbid others from doing it?

Parting words:

I know it seems like I am asking more questions than answering them, but I want you to think about it for yourself. How do you feel about your sex life? Do you enjoy it? Do you feel shame? Do you feel powerful? I like to reflect every so often about my recent sexual experiences. I don’t think all sex has to be a casual, one-night-stand. Nor do I think that all sex has must between two people in a committed relationship. It is totally up to you about how you go about your sex life. Make sure it’s safe, consensual, mind-blowing and—of course— shameless.

Youth and Celebrity Culture

More than ever before, it seems like the younger generations of both Millennials and Generation Z tend to invest much more time and interest in celebrity news. What celebrities are up to and what drama they’re involved in tends to consume young minds. Who’s pregnant, which celebrity couple broke up and what celebrity got plastic surgery are at the forefront of a lot of pop culture news stories.

With the prominence of social media outlets like Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram, celebrities are able to update fans and followers on their lives frequently and instantaneously. By posting photos and videos of their lavish lifestyles on private jets and yachts, stacks of hundred dollar bills and their almost too-perfect-to-be real selfies, people have become immersed and infatuated with celebrity culture.

Unrealistic beauty standards have arisen. It just takes one simple visit to Instagram’s main page of trending photos to see that a lot of women are striving to look a certain way. Diversity is being embraced less, as celebrities like the Kardashians and Jenners, other reality TV stars, actors/actresses, and artists, have influenced many young men and women to do their makeup in a certain way and to dress in a certain style. Trends such as lash extensions, lip fillers and plastic surgery have risen in prominence.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with one owning his/her sexuality and not being afraid to present themselves in whatever way they want to without fear of being judged by society. However, the importance that has been placed on a lot of celebrities has influenced younger boys and girls. And, there is now an insurmountable amount of pressure placed on youth to adhere to certain standards of beauty and conduct, for them to be deemed acceptable or beautiful.

These pressures have arisen from the importance and time us youth have invested in talking about celebrity news, and in being immersed in the personal lives of these stars. A lot of young people are so invested in it, that they actually do feel affected when their favorite celebrity couple breaks up, or when their favorite rapper is beefing with another rapper.

The fact that we as a society value so highly what celebrities have to say and what they’re doing directly points to the fact that our society is very superficial, and places a lot of importance on money, conventional beauty and status. Younger generations think that the only way to be respected and successful nowadays is to make a six-figure salary or to be a millionaire, and have lost the concept of what really matters. We should not spend so much time caring about celebrities and what they do, and should focus more on issues that actually matter and do affect our lives in real and meaningful way.

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