Sexcapades: Review of Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice

Sexcapades

Sexcapades reviews Dr. Willis Parker’s Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice, followed by a discussion on abortion.

Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice is a memoir outlining Dr. Willie Parker’s journey to becoming an abortion doctor and reproductive activist. Seamlessly blending his strong Christian beliefs, love for medical science and the philosophy that a woman’s body is her own, Dr. Parker eloquently encompasses what it means to be a Good Samaritan. 

As an African American growing up in the Deep South during the height of Civil Rights Movement, Dr. Parker’s words strongly imitate those of Dr. Martin Luther Kings—a role model of his. Dr. Parker’s rise from adversities like poverty, racism, and being raised by a single mother was extremely moving. His tenacity radiated throughout every word, sentence and chapter. There was not a time in reading this book where I did not feel moved or was awed in some way.

As I mentioned, Dr. Parker has faced a lot of adversities. He grew up in Wylam, Alabama in a small, impoverish neighborhood. Many people who grow up in communities like his do not see a way out. While, Dr. Parker had a lot of role models to look up to but he also faced a multitude of racism and community doubt that he would succeed. For example, Dr. Parker was told by a guidance counselor to become a carpenter because he said he liked to work with his hands. Despite his doubtful environment, Dr. Parker was consistently dedicated to his religion and education. He has graduated from Brea College in Kentucky and has received degrees from the University of Iowa College of Medicine, the Harvard School of Public Health, the University of Cincinnati, and the University of Michigan. 

I was initially intrigued by how Dr. Parker’s Christian faith would factor into his profession and activism.

To be honest, before reading the book I thought Dr. Parker would completely abandon his faith when he began his practice of abortions and activism. I scolded myself after reading the book because that is a very ignorant ideology. Dr. Parker’s religion is not separate from his line of work and activism. It fuels and empowers it. Dr. Parker and his book showed me how he uses Christianity to empower women, their sexuality and dreams. His interpretation of his religion is beautiful, eye-opening and definitely differs from the way ‘pro-lifers,’ or antis as he calls them, use Christianity to push their controlling and hatred agenda. 

What I loved a lot about the book is Dr. Parker’s inclusion of stories of women he has encounter in his line of work. It is what I found to be the most de-stigmatizing of the entire book. These women have dreams to be successful too. According to Dr. Parker’s book, most women who are seeking abortions are women who come from a low socioeconomic background. These are the women who have to scrape every penny together to have an abortion. Their limited access to safe abortions is because they have limited access to good health care and insurance. Some women are likely to have no insurance at all, some have other children at home, some are beaten by their husbands and some are teenagers. What all of these women have in common is that they have dreams too, they have hopes, desires and realities.

Dr. Parker’s book puts it in perspective how detrimental restrictive abortion laws are to women who need them.

Dr. Parker calls out how unconstitutional U.S policies are on abortion and how lawmakers are shutting down abortion clinics making it harder for women to seek them out. Twenty-seven states in America have imposed waiting periods between twenty-four and seventy-two hours for women to get abortions. This waiting period is between the initial visit for counseling and consultation and the actual abortion appointment. Every minute a woman delays her abortion the price increases because she moves farther along in her pregnancy. Dr. Parker says policies like the waiting period is financially disabling women who may already be living under or around the poverty line. The book cites calculations from ThinkProgress that if a woman in Wisconsin wants to terminate a first trimester pregnancy after you factor in gas, taking off of work, child care expenses (if she has children at home), and the waiting period that it would cost her over one thousand dollars.

Financial instability causes a huge issue because some states may only allow first trimester abortions, thus, making it harder for women to receive an abortion. Due to the harsher and stricter policies being enacted by states some women are forced to bring a pregnancy to full term. These laws are robbing women of their reproductive freedom and possibly making them more financially unstable than they were before:

“According to data from Planned Parenthood, more than one third of women having abortions in the second trimester said they delayed because they needed time to raise the money.”

Dr. Willis Parker (102)

Mississippi has a ban on second trimester abortions, Dr. Parker tells a story of a young woman who was thirteen weeks pregnant and needed time to scrape together extra money. By the time he saw her again the gestational age of the fetus was sixteen weeks and one day. Dr. Parker was not able to perform an abortion because she was now in the second trimester of her pregnancy. The best he can do for women in this situation is inform them of other clinics that are allowed to second trimester abortions but sometimes they way over state lines.

A consequence of harsh restrictive laws are the dwindling number of abortion clinics in the United States.

In the states where abortion clinics are disappearing and there are more restrictive policies, surveys found that Google searches in DIY abortions spiked. For example, in Texas between 2012-2015 the number of abortion clinics has decreased from forty-one to seventeen. DIY abortions are extremely dangerous because these women may take illegal medications, homeopathic remedies and even worse trying to perform their own abortion with household items like a coat hanger. Dr. Parker says women who take illegal pills put themselves at extreme risks, especially if it doesn’t work. Dr. Parker says these laws force women into corners and then ultimately make the decision for them by making it a very public and political battle.

“It is extremely dangerous for anyone to take unidentifiable pills for any reason, and if one woman was brave enough to enter my office having pursued that course, then there are many others who are not.”  

Dr. Parker Willis (105)

As a feminist and a person that stands on the “pro-choice” side of the abortion argument, I believe that if a woman does not wish to be pregnant it is ultimately her choice to terminate it. I chose this book because I wanted to hear a perspective from an OB-GYN who perform abortions. Reading Life’s Work: A Moral Argument for Choice has changed my life and increased my beliefs that a woman reproductive choices are entirely up to her. Dr. Willie Parker is an inspiration and truly embodies what it means to be a Good Samaritan. I would totally recommend this book to everyone, even if you are not ‘pro-choice,’ it puts abortion in the perspective about it can empower and help women in our society. I believe because advocates like Dr. Willie Parker the stigmatization of abortions can be greatly reduced. 

Written by: Julie Cappiello
If you have a funny, enlightening or educational sex piece that you’d like to submit, fill out this form.

Sexcapades: The Necessity of Birth Control

Sexcapades

My trials and tribulations on achieving a healthy sex life continue as I journeyed to Planned Parenthood for my birth control implant.

My experience on changing birth control methods:

For the last ten months or so, I’ve been thinking about changing my birth control method. I’ve been on the pill for four years now and I’ve been getting tired of taking a pill every day. In my research I found that hormonal forms of birth control can be linked to depression and autoimmune disease. In high school I struggled with symptoms of depression which increased when I began to take oral contraceptives. Additionally, the maternal side of my family has a history of autoimmune disease. 

Two years ago I had a blood test done and my antinuclear antibodies (ANA)results came back positive. A positive result doesn’t necessarily indicate that I have an autoimmune disease like lupus; healthy people can have a positive result. What it does mean is that antinuclear antibodies are present and being produced. Recently, my younger sister had the same results and this brought some concern to our mom. 

After conducting sufficient research prompting me to change to a non-hormonal IUD, I decide to be proactive and make an appointment at Planned Parenthood. My overall experience with PP and its staff was very pleasant. I was able to make an appointment online and set up text alerts. Shortly after I was contacted by PP and to my surprise they were very inconspicuous on the phone. I didn’t really need them to be, but I appreciated it because not all women have open-minded parents like I do.

On the day of my appointment I was very nervous because I knew after the procedure I would experience ‘mild to moderate’ pain, but I was not prepared for what happened. The nurse practitioner did a short pelvic exam to see the placement of the uterus. This is when the nurse practitioner told me that my cervix was really small and tilted, which may impose complications during insertions. This made me a little more nervous but I wanted to proceed. 

After the pelvic exam, they will prep you by using an instrument to open your cervix then clean your vagina and cervix with an antiseptic solution. Following that they will insert another instrument to measure the depth of your uterus. It is here where you will feel some cramping similar to your period. Finally, they will insert a tube containing the IUD through your vagina into the uterus where it will stay.

On my first attempt, I did not go through with the insertion because the instrument opening my cervix came off. The pain was unbearable, my legs were shaking so bad and I began to blackout. The nurse practitioner told me that is a normal for some women as she removed the instruments from my body. The other woman in the room began to place an ice pack underneath my neck and a hot pack on my lower abdomen.

After a little of resting they asked if I wanted to try again, I said yes still determined to get an IUD. Again there was complications and I didn’t let the nurse practitioner get to insertion. She told me that I can reschedule and take a medication that will dialate me. I declined because I was seriously traumatized and I wanted someone I trusted to be there with me. I left PP in pain and slightly disappointed because I don’t want to be on oral contraceptives anymore nor do I wish to be on synthetic hormones. I went home, cried and took a nap. 

Common Birth Control Methods

There are many ways to be proactive about your sexual health and protect yourself from unplanned pregnancies, diseases and infections. Below are four ways that you too can take control of your sex life. 

The Pill

This oral contraceptive stops the sperm from fertilizing the egg by stopping containing hormones that stop ovulation and thickening the mucus blocking the sperm from reaching the egg in the uterus. It works best when taken around the same time every single day. There are apps like Bedsider that sends you reminders. I have friends who set alarms, whatever works for you just make sure you take it!

FYI: Oral contraceptives do not protect against STIs so use condoms!

 According to PP, even if you use the pill perfectly, it will be 99 percent effective, but since that is not realistic it is about 91 percent effective. Using condoms and the pill together is a perfect combination against the spread of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies.

It is important to note that oral contraceptives, like other forms of birth control, are not one size fits all. There are different brands, different doses of hormones, there are combination pills and progestin-only pills. Talk to your gynecologist to see what form of oral contraceptive would be right for you. 

IUDs and Implants

The Implant aka Nexplanon is a little rod that is inserted into your bicep and it releases hormones that prevent pregnancy. It is very low maintenance because it is under the skin and is effective for up to five years. The implant method works similar to the pill, it releases the hormone progestin which thickens the mucus in the cervix and prohibits ovulation. Side effects include spotting, some may experience longer and heavier periods, while most experience short and lighter periods. Pain and bruising maybe a side effect after insertion. 

According to PP, the Intrauterine Device (IUD) is the one most effective birth control out right now. Currently, there are five FDA approved brands: Paragard, Mirena, Kyleena, Liletta, and Skyla. The IUD can be hormonal or non-hormonal. Paragard the only non-hormonal IUD is wrapped in copper that prevents pregnancy for up to 12 years. Since there are no hormones, Paragard does not interfere with your natural cycle and ovulation and it does not increase cervical mucus. Paragard can also be used as an emergency contraceptive if inserted within five days of unprotected sex. There are some side effects of IUDs that included cramps and backaches, worse period symptoms and heavier periods(Paragard), spotting between periods and irregular periods.

And for those who haven’t heard: both implants and IUDs do not protect against STIs and HIV so use condoms! 

Condoms

Condoms are probably the most commonly known and popular forms of birth control methods. They prevent pregnancies and lower risk of contracting STIs. They come in a variety of forms liked lubricated or non-lubricated, some contain spermicide (do not use for oral or anal sex), some do not contain spermicide, latex and non-latex (my personal fave because I’m allergic). Spermicide contains chemicals that stop sperm from moving, therefore spermicide condoms are lubricated with it. Spermicide condoms may cause irritation to some men and women so you may want opt for another type. Be wary of the types of lubricants you use because they may cause certain types of condoms — like latex — to break.

Emergency Contraceptives

Emergency contraceptives can stop a pregnancy before it starts and can usually be taken up to five days following unprotected sex. However, the sooner, the better. It is extremely important to note; emergency contraceptives are NOTabortion pills.  There are four types of emergency contraceptives, one I already mentioned (see IUDs). 

Ella is a new form of emergency contraceptives in the United States that blocks the hormones involved in contraception. It comes in a one pill pack and it is most effective within the first 24 hours of unprotected sex when conception of pregnancy is at its highest. Ella does not decrease fertility or cause infertility. It is only intended for one-time use so if you want to have unprotected sex again, I would suggest using condoms or change your birth control method. Ella is available at family planning clinics like PP, campus health centers and in certain states your local pharmacists can prescribe Ella to you (California is one of them!).

Plan B is probably the most commonly knownemergency contraceptive. Plan B is a one pill, progestin-only emergency contraceptive (reminder: progestin delays or stops ovulation). It has the same ingredients as birth control just at higher doses. This emergency contraceptive also does not decrease fertility, so when you are ready to have a baby you are free to do so. Plan B is not an abortion pill either and does not protect you from HIV and STDs. Some women found after taking Plan B they saw changes in their period that include spotting or bleeding. However, it is recommended that you take a pregnancy test if you miss your period. 

According to Bedsider,the Yuzpe method is an emergency contraceptive method that dates back to ‘70s. In this method, certain everyday birth control pills can be taken in two doses 12 hours apart to decrease the risk of fertilization. It most effective within the first 72 hours of unprotected sex. Women who use this method may feel nauseous and some may vomit, it is suggested to take the pills with food. Since you are taking an increased amount of your everyday birth control pills you are going to want to talk your doctor about what to do to get back on your regular schedule. 

Take Control of Your Sex Life

If you are curious about other forms of birth control or want more information on the ones, I listed above that my go to websites are Planned Parenthood and Besider. Overall, I think birth control and safe sex practices are really important to a healthy, enjoyable and chaos free sex life. I wish I was taught more forms of birth control growing up and in high school. One of my greatest hopes for this world is the incorporation of realistic safe sex practices in our education system. As a youth leader in an after school program for middle schoolers, I’ve noticed that sexual education is not a part of curriculum. It deeply concerns me that some of these teens are engaging in sex without knowing the risks and ways to prevent these risks. Another one of my greatest hopes is access to realistic sex education programs and access to birth control methods.

Written by: Julie Cappiello
If you have a funny, enlightening or educational sex piece that you’d like to submit, fill out this form.

Sexcapades: Dating – Am I the Dating Type?

Sexcapades

Am I the Dating Type? Maybe Not Right Now, and That’s Okay.

Let’s start from the beginning: Middle School Dating.

I swear I must have had more game back in like the sixth grade because I was always wrapped up in some dating drama. I used to “date” this boy on and off again from like fifth to eighth grade. Even to this day, one of my best friends still likes reminding me of the drama that was my relationship was this boy. It’s crazy because I’m working for the YMCA now, and dealing with middle school aged tweens and teens. I constantly have to tell them they are too young to date. It is very hypocritical for me to say but I wish I got that talk. Or, at least remember getting that talk.

What’s so funny about this age is because you think you are so grown. Especially when you are in eighth grade. Personally, my school enrolled kids starting from kindergarten, and went all the way through eighth grade. Suffice to say, I felt pretty grown and like a hot shot being in the oldest grade. And confusingly enough, this was probably the only time in my life where I wished I had a boyfriend. Middle school is a weird time for everyone, including you when you’re trying to figure out who you are.

I guess dating in middle school is like a way of figuring out what kind of person you want to be. As a young teen, you start become self-aware and self-conscious of your body and life changing. It is always the ultimate confidence boost when someone likes you and wants to date you. So (and I am coming to this conclusion as I write) maybe, dating in middle school is not so bad after all.  That is, until another boy who you really liked tells you that he likes you, but then takes it back a week later. Yep, that happened to me. “I thought I liked you, but I don’t” (Remember that for later) .

Moving on to my smartest dating decisions in a time I call: Sophomore Summer Love 

High school was a totally different beast. Freshman year, I feel like I tried to avoid interaction with people as much as possible. I was very cultured shocked and scared. There were some more deeper and personal reasons that really shaped my dating life all the way through college. Toward the end of my freshman year I started to come out of my shell. I had a group of friends that would hang out every day at one of my best friend’s house. Over the course of the summer, my friend Gabby started to date this boy who happened to have a very cute friend. On the week of the annual Saint Michael’s feast, I met this boy. He was so my type: tall, dark hair, light eyes. Although, in college I switched the dark hair for blond hair.

The chemistry was instant, but my friends were bit hesitant on him meeting me. Originally they wanted to set him up with another friend. Fortunately, it was undeniable that we liked each other from the start. With my friends’ blessing, I began what was probably the first time I started to “talk” to someone. And for the initiated, talking is when two people like each other a lot and have established that they like each other but they aren’t technically “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” yet, but they don’t talk to other people.

To continue, this boy and I continued on throughout the remaining of the summer, but then I began to have my doubts. As a person who is assertive and can come off as aggressive, I don’t like when people are insecure. It is a trait that is not very compassionate of me, and I admit that boys definitely have it harder than girls when it comes to expressing feelings. One day, I thought this boy was going to make a move and kiss me before he left to go home. However, he didn’t and it was probably because he was too nervous. In high school it is also a hard time to dateI felt rejected by this and I got in my head that he didn’t like me. 

In the efforts to save myself from being hurt I did what I am now infamous for: running away. I told him that I “thought I liked him, but I don’t.” It came full circle. I was so afraid that he was going to end it before more that I made it competition. Who can hurt who first. After I did this I felt immense guilt. I did like him, I really did. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t regret it during high school. He was so sweet and nice and from what I remember he even treated me right! If this was a superhero movie this is the part where you see a character become a villain because they let their fear and ego take control. 

And for the the third act of my dating saga: College Love?

Like mentioned before, high school was a hard time for me, though I rarely ever let it show. During this time, I felt like I was unlovable and I wore that on my sleeve by saying that I had no soul. I had literally made myself believe that I was a stone cold bitch and boys would not like me. I was battling many internal demons that it felt like any boy who dared tried to get close to me was an attack on my very being. 

College was somewhat the same, however, I started to resolve some of these issues. I began exploring my sexuality more than I did in high school. Yet, I still didn’t feel the need to be in a relationship with these boys. Don’t get me wrong, I did like some of them but I wasn’t too keen on dating them. To be frank, I was still scared. Scared of rejection, humiliation and worse bestowing those feelings on to them. I still wouldn’t let any boy get close to my guarded heart. Some may argue that I did tell them intimate things, to me though, they weren’t at all. I just told them what they wanted to hear so they didn’t think I was stone cold. Although, one did call me that and I laughed.

It is not that I don’t feel loveable now, I know that I am full capable of giving and receiving love. However, I feel like the boys that I meet are not on same wave length that I am, so as a result, I just have sex with them. Honestly, it gives me a release because I’ll only have sex if I enjoy it with the person. As one should always do. Sex is sex, as long as it’s good, consensual sex. I’ve seen it so many times, girls settling for some lame guy who only knows missionary and doggy style. I once met a girl who openly admitted to me that sex is sex and it doesn’t have to be good. That statement literally blew my mind because I can think of some many other things I can do in those 10 minutes (and that’s just being generous). 

As my time in college progressed I learned that I genuinely love my single life. I enjoy flirting, I enjoy my alone time, I enjoy the excitement of going to a party and talking to many boys. I don’t have to worry about a jealous partner—not that I would attract one. I get to sleep in my bed all by myself and star-fish out so I can take up every single inch. It’s not that I don’t want a relationship, human beings need companionship. I am just very comfortable where I am at right now. I am in the process of starting a new job that actually pertains what career I want. I am transitioning into my final months in college and I’ve accomplished more than I’ve ever dreamt of at KCR.  

Don’t get it twisted and confuse me with some stereotypical career driven woman that you see on TV. Not all career driven women are stone cold and only want to further their career before they settle down and have children. Like I said I am just comfortable where I am at right now. I am in my power, my confidence, my fire. If love finds away in than so be it, but right now I’m enjoy being single. And, that is a true character development for this girl who no longer sees herself as a villain. 

If you have a funny, enlightening or educational sex piece that you’d like to submit, fill out this form. Which reminds me of something…

You guys remember the previous post right? About creepy DMS? Well, there’s a next level creeper in town: RANDOM COMMENTERS.

The worst of the worst. They are like the boss in the video games that you need to beat to win the level. So quick story time; I posted a smokin’ beach pic from my trip to Venice Beach. While I was looking at the comment section, filled with my personal hype-people (a.k.a friends), I noticed an outlier. A random person with a comment that read “Yum” followed by the fire emoji. I nearly vomited. An unknown person who I don’t know commented “Yum” for everyone to see, including my family. Image

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_4621-1020x196.jpg
Here’s a picture for proof
Written by: Julie Cappiello

Sexcapades: ENOUGH with the creepy DMs.

Sexcapades

On this week’s Sexcapades: We explore how since the dawn of time, people have thought that creepy overused pickup lines were the gateway to a woman’s heart (and vagina).

I can see cavemen grunting and winking toward cavewomen in hopes that she will invite him back to her cave. In the year 2019, nothing has changed, except that the pickup lines begin on social media in the DMs.

This is why I took my Instagram link off of my Tinder profile because I would get the weirdest messages. But I wish I knew that I would end up writing a sex blog, because I otherwise would have kept them. One of the creepiest DMs that I’ve received is forever engraved in my memory. It said, “I want to make you like I make my Chipotle Burritos. Hot, spicy and stuffed.” Mortified does not even come close to describing how I still feel.

On my quest to recover some of my encounters with the third kind, I went to place where all of my deepest, darkest secrets lie: the ‘Mission Impossible’ group chat. It was in that alternate reality where I discovered an equally horrifying DM as the one I mentioned before.

The pickup line within itself is not horrible, but it’s the last sentence that sends shivers down my spine.

 

“I had to skip tinder to message you”

 First of all, if we don’t match on Tinder what gives you the idea that I want to talk to you on another social media platform! The whole point of Tinder is to connect with people through…wait for it kids…TINDER. Okay, I get it, I can see how he could have gotten confused, I did put my Instagram in my bio. However, the only reason why I, and most other people do that, is to make sure the rest of the nondesperates knew I was real.

Second of all, I am not going to answer all your prayers. I am your darkest nightmare. And no, it did not hurt when I fell from heaven because I crawled my way out of HELL.

On a scale of 1 to 10, these DMs are creepy!

I was going to rate these DMs on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how creepy they are, but let’s be honest if a random person is sliding into your DMs its always creepy. I want to thank to all the lovely people for submitting their creepy messages.

Gimme yo f***in’ money!

 

Submitted by Anonymous

What a way to get the job done. Send the person a wad of money with no context! The ‘Booooooo’ and ‘So sad lol’ kill me honestly. How the hell does one respond to this? Is this a solicitation or demand to be your sugar baby? I have so many questions but I don’t know if I want to know the answers.

Hello 9-11, there’s a creep in my DMs

Submitted by Anonymous

The recovery on this DM is very smooth, I’m going to give them that. Also the dedication to incorporate the emojis and “sound effect” is very creative. “Wow” is a very appropriate response because what other response could be said. I hope this girl gave him a chance. I think I ship them together. Actually, I do ship them together.

Remember boys, consistency is key!

Submitted by Anonymous

Four years. For four years this mans messaged this girl. He wants to apologize for blowing up their phone for the last couple of days, but where is the apology for the LAST FOUR YEARS? Clearly, they doesn’t want to talk to you if they doesn’t answer. This, kids, is what we all obsession. Mariah Carey wrote a song about this!

“I don’t have creepy DMs but I do have creepy dudes who don’t stop. When I don’t answer your texts and then you start messaging me on Twitter to see if I open them…Men!”

Submitted by Gianna

Gianna, honey, I am so sorry this happens to you. It is one thing to have men message you creepy things it is another to have them contact you through multiple platforms. These are the worst kind of men.

Submitted by Gianna

I thought it was just an urban legend of boys messaging you through LinkedIn. I feel like I just saw Bigfoot. I feel like I don’t even need to explain how creepy this situation is. At the same time, this is absolutely hilarious, because of all the social media sites we have, this man decided to choose LinkedIn of all sites.

“Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.”

This post isn’t so much about sex or a sexual act to say. However, this post highlights the great lengths boy will go through to get laid. On my quest to understand, I decided to google some cheesy pickup lines. To my surprise a few were found in the submissions. I couldn’t help but wonder, do boys google cheesy pickup lines?

I shuddered at the thought of a boy looking at girl’s profile and thinking to himself, “I can totally bang this girl.” Though his confidence seems to be beaming because he is sitting behind a screen, he wipes a little bit of sweat off his forehead. He types out “There’s something wrong with my cellphone. It doesn’t have your number in it.” He chuckles to himself a bit, presses send and waits for a response. Most of the time he will keep on waiting and somewhere in that girl’s group chat her and her friends are roasting the shit out of him.

If you have an enlightening or funny sex story submit it here!

Written by: Julie Cappiello