Casual dating is exhausting in today’s day and age. I’m an extremely busy woman and I just don’t have time to take on another headache.
People in modern society seem to be using dating apps for their love lives. I know plenty of men and women who have met their significant other online because they were “hooking up” and after a few months they figured out they liked them. I question this and wonder if the relationship came out of convenience or actual desire for one another. I believe you should live your life how you want and in whatever ways, but I’m just not into the whole idea of this dating apocalypse.
However, I plead guilty. I have used dating apps from time to time and still consider downloading them when I want attention, but I’d like to think I will meet someone the old-fashioned way. A few weeks ago, I met a guy on a night out. He was attractive, charming, and very polite. The next day he took me out to breakfast at a darling little place on the beach. We spent the day watching dolphins and shared a few innocent kisses. It was merely a weekend fling, but it was refreshing meeting someone without swiping.
Out of the few boys I met from Tinder I’d say that maybe only one of them was worth my time, and the rest turned out to be horror stories. I’m happy I got out of my comfort zone to meet them, but never again! I do consider my love life to be puzzling, for I don’t really know what I want. For example, one time I thought I was in love with a guy I was fooling around with, but it was just my libido talking.
I think it would be nice to have someone for sappy holidays like Valentine’s Day, or to reach for a soup can on the top shelf, but that’s about it if we’re being honest. I change my mind nearly 1,000 times a day, and I find myself getting bored with people after a few months, so I just don’t know if I could sustain a relationship at this point in my life. I have nothing against one, but I’m very much an independent woman.
When I was in New York, an older man approached me and told me “you are a beautiful girl, don’t ever limit yourself,” and then proceeded to walk away. At first, I thought it was sweet and a bit strange, but then it resonated with me. I know its cheesy to say, but the world is your oyster. There is so much to do and see, so why limit yourself? I’m not saying that a significant other will tie you down, but I think it is very important to grow on your own.
I am so happy and grateful for all the experiences I have had. From those experiences I feel like I was able to mature, figure out what I like and don’t like, and get to know myself better. I have a tremendous amount of love and support from my friends and family, and I am just focused on those relationships at the moment. Samantha Jones once said, “I love you, but I love me more,” and she couldn’t have said it better.
Am I the Dating Type? Maybe Not Right Now, and That’s Okay.
Let’s start from the beginning: Middle School Dating.
I swear I must have had more game back in like the sixth grade because I was always wrapped up in some dating drama. I used to “date” this boy on and off again from like fifth to eighth grade. Even to this day, one of my best friends still likes reminding me of the drama that was my relationship was this boy. It’s crazy because I’m working for the YMCA now, and dealing with middle school aged tweens and teens. I constantly have to tell them they are too young to date. It is very hypocritical for me to say but I wish I got that talk. Or, at least remember getting that talk.
What’s so funny about this age is because you think you are so grown. Especially when you are in eighth grade. Personally, my school enrolled kids starting from kindergarten, and went all the way through eighth grade. Suffice to say, I felt pretty grown and like a hot shot being in the oldest grade. And confusingly enough, this was probably the only time in my life where I wished I had a boyfriend. Middle school is a weird time for everyone, including you when you’re trying to figure out who you are.
I guess dating in middle school is like a way of figuring out what kind of person you want to be. As a young teen, you start become self-aware and self-conscious of your body and life changing. It is always the ultimate confidence boost when someone likes you and wants to date you. So (and I am coming to this conclusion as I write) maybe, dating in middle school is not so bad after all. That is, until another boy who you really liked tells you that he likes you, but then takes it back a week later. Yep, that happened to me. “I thought I liked you, but I don’t” (Remember that for later) .
Moving on to my smartest dating decisions in a time I call: Sophomore Summer Love
High school was a totally different beast. Freshman year, I feel like I tried to avoid interaction with people as much as possible. I was very cultured shocked and scared. There were some more deeper and personal reasons that really shaped my dating life all the way through college. Toward the end of my freshman year I started to come out of my shell. I had a group of friends that would hang out every day at one of my best friend’s house. Over the course of the summer, my friend Gabby started to date this boy who happened to have a very cute friend. On the week of the annual Saint Michael’s feast, I met this boy. He was so my type: tall, dark hair, light eyes. Although, in college I switched the dark hair for blond hair.
The chemistry was instant, but my friends were bit hesitant on him meeting me. Originally they wanted to set him up with another friend. Fortunately, it was undeniable that we liked each other from the start. With my friends’ blessing, I began what was probably the first time I started to “talk” to someone. And for the initiated, talking is when two people like each other a lot and have established that they like each other but they aren’t technically “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” yet, but they don’t talk to other people.
To continue, this boy and I continued on throughout the remaining of the summer, but then I began to have my doubts. As a person who is assertive and can come off as aggressive, I don’t like when people are insecure. It is a trait that is not very compassionate of me, and I admit that boys definitely have it harder than girls when it comes to expressing feelings. One day, I thought this boy was going to make a move and kiss me before he left to go home. However, he didn’t and it was probably because he was too nervous. In high school it is also a hard time to date. I felt rejected by this and I got in my head that he didn’t like me.
In the efforts to save myself from being hurt I did what I am now infamous for: running away. I told him that I “thought I liked him, but I don’t.” It came full circle. I was so afraid that he was going to end it before more that I made it competition. Who can hurt who first. After I did this I felt immense guilt. I did like him, I really did. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t regret it during high school. He was so sweet and nice and from what I remember he even treated me right! If this was a superhero movie this is the part where you see a character become a villain because they let their fear and ego take control.
And for the the third act of my dating saga: College Love?
Like mentioned before, high school was a hard time for me, though I rarely ever let it show. During this time, I felt like I was unlovable and I wore that on my sleeve by saying that I had no soul. I had literally made myself believe that I was a stone cold bitch and boys would not like me. I was battling many internal demons that it felt like any boy who dared tried to get close to me was an attack on my very being.
College was somewhat the same, however, I started to resolve some of these issues. I began exploring my sexuality more than I did in high school. Yet, I still didn’t feel the need to be in a relationship with these boys. Don’t get me wrong, I did like some of them but I wasn’t too keen on dating them. To be frank, I was still scared. Scared of rejection, humiliation and worse bestowing those feelings on to them. I still wouldn’t let any boy get close to my guarded heart. Some may argue that I did tell them intimate things, to me though, they weren’t at all. I just told them what they wanted to hear so they didn’t think I was stone cold. Although, one did call me that and I laughed.
It is not that I don’t feel loveable now, I know that I am full capable of giving and receiving love. However, I feel like the boys that I meet are not on same wave length that I am, so as a result, I just have sex with them. Honestly, it gives me a release because I’ll only have sex if I enjoy it with the person. As one should always do. Sex is sex, as long as it’s good, consensual sex. I’ve seen it so many times, girls settling for some lame guy who only knows missionary and doggy style. I once met a girl who openly admitted to me that sex is sex and it doesn’t have to be good. That statement literally blew my mind because I can think of some many other things I can do in those 10 minutes (and that’s just being generous).
As my time in college progressed I learned that I genuinely love my single life. I enjoy flirting, I enjoy my alone time, I enjoy the excitement of going to a party and talking to many boys. I don’t have to worry about a jealous partner—not that I would attract one. I get to sleep in my bed all by myself and star-fish out so I can take up every single inch. It’s not that I don’t want a relationship, human beings need companionship. I am just very comfortable where I am at right now. I am in the process of starting a new job that actually pertains what career I want. I am transitioning into my final months in college and I’ve accomplished more than I’ve ever dreamt of at KCR.
Don’t get it twisted and confuse me with some stereotypical career driven woman that you see on TV. Not all career driven women are stone cold and only want to further their career before they settle down and have children. Like I said I am just comfortable where I am at right now. I am in my power, my confidence, my fire. If love finds away in than so be it, but right now I’m enjoy being single. And, that is a true character development for this girl who no longer sees herself as a villain.
If you have a funny, enlightening or educational sex piece that you’d like to submit, fill out this form. Which reminds me of something…
You guys remember the previous post right? About creepy DMS? Well, there’s a next level creeper in town: RANDOM COMMENTERS.
The worst of the worst. They are like the boss in the video games that you need to beat to win the level. So quick story time; I posted a smokin’ beach pic from my trip to Venice Beach. While I was looking at the comment section, filled with my personal hype-people (a.k.a friends), I noticed an outlier. A random person with a comment that read “Yum” followed by the fire emoji. I nearly vomited. An unknown person who I don’t know commented “Yum” for everyone to see, including my family. Image
Sound serves as one of the most important aspects to memory. In particular, songs help mark memorable moments in our lives, especially when it comes to dating.
The idea of songs and love together isn’t a new one. For as far as we can remember, after we had all started putting our tendrils into the sticky situation otherwise known as love, we would oftentimes ask each other “what’s your song?” Even today, couples put significance on the song most representative of a particular moment within their relationship. A “Soundtrack to Dating” if you will. And sometimes, after the relationship has soured, or after a particularly nasty incident, that song is forever ruined in the person’s mind. With that being said, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we asked members of KCR what songs they would include in their soundtrack to dating. Or, more specifically, we asked them what songs represent their best and worst dates, and why. Below are their stories.
This song takes me back to my high school days, driving around downtown Seattle with my friends. The 1975 connected me with friends that I will have for a lifetime, and every time I re-listen to their first album, I am transported to my grunge days in the rainy city. This song, however, is off their second album and I will always remember the first time I heard it. I won a concert through a local radio station to meet the entire band, ask them questions, and hear a preview of their second album. As I sat next to my best friend (whom I had met at the very first 1975 concert), with the band sitting directly in front of me, I remember feeling euphoric in ways I can’t describe.
This song takes me back to hanging out in my boyfriend’s bedroom, staring into each other’s eyes. I’m so serious. We do that sometimes. No talking, just staring. Uber romantic. 10/10 would recommend. And this is the perfect background song when you want to feel young and in love, but not sappy and tender.
I went on a date with a close friend of mine and while we did not end up dating, it felt like such a perfect date with no problems. This song comes to mind whenever I look back at how nice it felt having that date & remembering the friendship I have with that person now.
Okay, this one is a bit unconventional, so bear with me. One of my favorite dates was with someone who I never saw again. We met up for tacos and it felt like we really hit it off. As I’m walking her to her car, we decide let’s go to Target “for fun.” And so, we raced each other to the closest Target (for the sake of integrity, I’ll just say that I won), and then explored. After we finished, I jokingly said, “you know there’s more than one Target we can go to.” We drove probably 15 miles going to three different Targets, just wandering around and laughing. When we finally tired of that, I suggested tea from a place I loved. Unfortunately, I forgot the name of the spot, and took us to a spot I’d never been before. The tea was good at least, and we spent another couple hours talking. Afterwards, we decided to walk around. I revealed that I like to (badly) rap/sing, and for whatever reason, chose this song to demonstrate to her. I don’t think she was impressed, but I at least had the decency to censor myself throughout. She (a very pasty white girl), on the other hand, didn’t have that same filter, and instead dropped the N-word a couple of times in whatever song she decided to sing. When I kissed her goodbye, that was it. No sparks, no chemistry. It was awkward, and we never saw each other again. But in all honesty, ignoring that random act of racism and just lackluster ending, the rest of that date was really nice.
The worst date I’ve ever been on was a second date that occurred two months after the first. Maybe that should’ve been a red flag. It started off okay at a karaoke bar in North Park, so we decided to head down the street to Coin Op. As we sat among the retro arcade games, things began to rapidly deteriorate. It all stemmed from me jokingly calling myself boring. That’s when he asked if I wanted to do cocaine. At Coin Op. On a Tuesday. I declined and it was all downhill from there. He said I seemed like the cliché of a girl who needs to get out of her shell. He said I should act more interested in people if I want to be interesting. He said it didn’t seem like I was having a good time. Shockingly, I wasn’t having a good time. Despite all of this mildly traumatizing psychoanalysis, I stuck around and even let him drive me home. Sometimes you just don’t want to pay for a Lyft.
If there is one piece of advice you take from this piece of modern literature, it’s to NEVER date a girl who works at a Harley Davidson dealership. About a year ago I was in a relationship with one of these aforementioned dames and on this particular occasion she decided to invite me to a party at her work. I was really excited at the time because I thought it would be a great chance to meet some of the people who were close to her, but as I was soon to find out, these were not the kind of people I was going to be fond of. Due to the nature of the dealership, the party was filled to the brim with biker gangs who all found my girlfriend pretty attractive. While this is usually a positive scenario, it seems to me that being in a gang sort of means the boundaries of being a decent human being get a bit blurry. The whole night I was walking around with my date, these kind gentlemen would stop by to slap her ass and flirt with her, right in front of me, the worst part being she was laughing and flirting back all the while. I even brought up to her how strange it all was and she said this behavior was commonplace at Harley parties. She had a great time. I did not. Worst date ever.
We had only been on a few dates, but just by hearing the title of the song, you can probably guess where our relationship headed. The way the song is performed through vocals and instrumental as well as the lyrics brings me back exactly to when I hung out with this girl before and during college. Meanwhile, the chorus of the song is something I, and likely many others, can chant for days. Because of how relatable this song is, and how well performed it is, this remains one of my favorite songs to this day, even if it reminds me of a really lame time in my life.
Once I was on a date at a bar with a guy I thought was too straight laced and boring, like a bran muffin in human form. And then this song came on and he said “oh this is that song by super boy.” SUPER BOY! Needless to say, I got out of there ASAP.
I know this is cheating but I once had sex to J Cole’s “4 Your Eyez Only” album. I was given the options of that or Led Zepplin (I love led Zepplin and I was not trying sully that love) so I chose J Cole. That was the one and only time I ever listened to that album. The only good thing I could say about that album is that it lasted longer than the guy, but trust me, before I left the album hadn’t finished, and neither had I.
Written by: Peter Swan
KCR College Radio: The Sound of State
KCR is an internet based radio station run by students at the San Diego State University that provides music, sports, and talk programs to the SDSU community.