As a natural introvert, being intimidated in front of crowds is nothing new to me.
It’s something that I have always disliked throughout my life, even when it just involves presenting in front of five people. Recently, I got to perform a DJ set at Aztec Music Group’s Silent Disco here at San Diego State University.
Before the event even started, I was somewhat nervous, for the most part because I wasn’t sure if people were going to like what I was going to do. This over thinking always happens to me and it is somewhat of a curse and a blessing at the same time.
For starters, this over thinking let me believe that my first track choice was not the right one. I kept on changing my track selection because well I kept on looking at the worst case scenarios – people tuning out of my channel at the Silent Disco.
But at the same time, the blessing part of this whole process was that I kept on improving my track list to the point where I exhausted myself. At the end of it all, it took me about seven track lists to filter 60 potential songs out of 220 that I wanted to play within the 55 minute time frame that I was given.
Still, I wasn’t satisfied, even though my friends here at State told me that I was going to kill it regardless. Of course, there was always the occasional little “fix” that I would make to see of that would do it.
When hanging out at the event before my set, it got to the point where I was so nervous that I made a backup track list that was completely different than what I had planned. I did not end up using it because I decided to go with my first instinct, which was that what I had was good enough.
I went up on the stage and started playing my set, which started with Tiesto and The Chainsmokers’ single, “Split.” The beat progressively built up to 128 beats per minute and once it dropped, a sea of green headphones (there were three channels playing all at once), appeared right before my eyes. My channel was green.
Throughout my set, that green sea kept on appearing, although I myself don’t completely recall because I somewhat blackout (not due to alcohol or anything of that nature) whenever I perform in front of people.
What I do remember though, was seeing my friends who I first met here at State, supporting me and what I was doing. This meant a lot to me because they’ve been there supporting me from the very beginning of my DJ hobby, which started at an apartment party in BLVD63 (it got shut down right away).
Once my set was over, I was told that I “killed it” by multiple people who I didn’t even know. This made me happy because I put a lot of time into my set, and I was relieved that people vibed with what I believed in.
Now here I am, about to repeat the whole process over again at my first official gig during the weekend.
I don’t know what to expect at Bassmnt (an EDM nightclub in Downtown San Diego), but now I know to go forward with what I believe in.